I’m sorry I don’t have a nicer laptop with a higher res screen so I can take bigger screenshots. Maybe I should dip into my savings and buy one instead of saving up to get bottom surgery. It’s no one else’s problem that I have a penis after all. That was sarcasm, I’m not doing that at all, get used to low-res screenshots because I’m not buying a better laptop unless this one dies or I have a vagina (probably won’t for a while afterwards bc I’ll be in debt).

You are right, this discussion is going in circles, most people here don’t see or understand why this is wrong and it’s likely blahaj.zone doesn’t either. Otherwise they wouldn’t have allowed him to become a mod now would they?

Even if you aren’t intending judgement with it, ‘normal’ carries a judging connotation, or at minimum the connotation that there is something wrong with them that needs to be fixed.

I’m sorry if it came across that way, I don’t think people who do it need to be fixed, just helped to discover their true selves so they can be happy.

Telling them that the way their abnormality needs to be fixed is through transitioning rather than conforming to their ASAB is still imposing more gender stereotypes, even if it’s done with good intentions.

How? It’s literally encouraging them to transition away from their AGAB, it’s literally breaking gender stereotypes by virtue of presenting differently than society expects them to, since they are presenting and identifying as a gender different than what they were assigned at birth. Being trans breaks gender stereotypes.

If someone is given free access to information about trans people and transitioning, can talk to trans people either in person or online to ask questions, etc, and they’ve decided they aren’t trans, then that’s just something you have to respect. Self determination is more important than making sure nobody can hurt themselves by making decisions they might regret.

Trans regret is one of the lowest regrets that there is out there, almost no one does and most if not all detransitioners do so because bigoted fucks made or coerced them to do it. Trans regret is practically non-existent in the real world without external influence.

Pro-tip: Cis people really shouldn’t be giving pointers when it comes to the trans experience.

That mod was denying the validity of the signs of being trans, and they’re not even trans themselves. Does it really seem appropriate to take advice from a cis person about what it really means to be trans?

I know that I reacted strongly but the fact is they really should not be a mod there, they’re hiding behind the Egg prime directive to deny the experiences of real trans women because they think our stories about coming out are forcing gender stereotypes.

Also that mod very clearly overstepped by locking the post so no one else could criticize him for his invalidation of transfem experiences of being eggs and the signs we didn’t see. Is that okay and justified for him to be able to silence people like that?

That’s what I want to know, it makes no sense why they would let a femboy who isn’t even trans mod a community about trans people and trans issues.

Did you play it because it was a fun game, or did you play it because you could be a girl in that game? 😏

(Provide alternatives for expediency, and accessibility, as readability is inherently challenging)

No, people do not owe other people easy alternatives to just respecting the person’s pronouns. I don’t want people using they/them on me because it’s “too hard” to remember she/her, or keep forgetting I’m a girl because of my voice. No compromise, just respect people’s fucking pronouns.

You seem very angry, across all your interactions here in this thread and around your experiences here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to be frustrated about in life. I’m not telling you to leave. That’s not my place. But I think you might find a happier experience with a bit of a break, and perhaps heavier curation of who you speak with, and where you hang out. Good luck.

You bet I’m fucking angry, if you knew what it was like to be trans you wouldn’t be saying it so casually. I can’t just stop being angry or stop being scared. I’m literally living in a world that hates and rejects me for who I am, and I’m forced to listen to apologia from assholes who just can’t accept the fact that I’m a fucking girl.

I’m not trying to say it isn’t normal to judge them for it, I know it’s hard to be trans and that’s why it’s important to show them the signs, so they can understand themselves why they aren’t cis. I know it seems like I’m catastrophizing or projecting I just know that for many trans people it is that way, it is very hard. Transitioning late after years in the egg or the dysphoria brought on by age can be too much for many people, which is why transitioning should happen sooner rather than later.

I’m glad you understand the nature of the situation here, I think gender stereotypes suck (I was denied official HRT because I wasn’t willing to pretend to be a woman for them) but it’s still important to recognize that for many people acting in non-standard ways are signs of being trans. Gender stereotypes are that way for a reason, they weren’t just arbitrarily made up, people of certain genders are drawn naturally towards gendered things correlating to their emotional gender, which is linked to their biological brain gender. That’s why acting feminine as a male is often a sign of being trans.

What @Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com said is unacceptable and invalidating to many trans people, he should feel ashamed of himself and be banned from trans spaces for it.

Here’s a public comment of this asshole denying the validity of nounself pronouns:

https://discuss.online/post/13103441/11998755

Throughout that thread they refused to use the correct neopronouns of that person (drag/dragself) and constantly criticized drag for it.

Smaller hit-boxes too? 😏

But it isn’t exactly normal is it? I mean most boys don’t like to act and dress like girls, they don’t play as girls in games, grow long hair. For most people these would be considered signs of being the other gender or being NB.

Also I get what you’re saying about people going their own pace but you have to understand that people waiting too long to figure out that they are trans can be detrimental to their chances of passing and therefore their mental health. Some people kill themselves because it feels hopeless when transitioning later and I know the feeling. It sucks that my voice will probably never pass without surgery. If I had broken the egg as early as possible and began transition then, I would perfectly pass right now, even if I’d waited until I was 18 I would’ve still been better off than I am now.

It is :) Most cis boys don’t enjoy playing as girls, it’s a very eggy thing to do.

Sometimes people need tough love and tough love can feel like bullying but it’s still good for them and helps them out of denial. Liking those things doesn’t make you trans, it’s a sign that you likely are trans, don’t twist my words that’s a bad faith argument used by cis people who invalidate the egg movement, which is evil because breaking people’s eggs saves lives. Getting people out of denial and able to accept themselves and transition literally saves people’s lives, because trans people who don’t get the care they need literally feel so bad they want to kill themselves.

I apologize for being angry and losing my cool, but come on, that mod shouldn’t even be a mod there, he’s a femboy, not trans. Why should he be allowed to sit there and deny the signs of being trans to other trans women then lock the post after silencing me so no one can criticize him anymore. Am I the only one who sees that as wrong?

Hey wait a minute, you’re that dipshit who misgendered someone and said that Neopronouns aren’t valid. You have zero credibility in trans spaces and you should be banned from all of them, go fuck yourself you bigoted piece of shit.

You mention in your comment that you could’ve transitioned earlier if someone just forced you to stop being in denial, but the thing is everyone isn’t you with the exact same needs as you had. There are feminine men out there who don’t need to be told that actually, they’re women and lying to themselves. Some of them may or may not wind up deciding to transition in some way. But that is something for them to decide, not for you to force on them because you have distressing feelings about when you started your own transition.

For many people these behaviors are not something normal cis people would do, they think it’s normal something that every cis person does, even though it isn’t. I’m not saying to force anything onto them, I’m saying tell them about being trans, that it’s not exactly normal for people to do this stuff, they may think it is but come on, how many normal cis guys do you know who dress as, play as, and act like girls? I thought I knew some, but they ended up not being cis.

Everyone needs support to explore their gender and gender expression, no matter what it is. If you’d had that you would have likely accepted your gender and transitioned sooner. It sucks that you didn’t have it (I didn’t either), but we can’t change that now. All you can do is try to make that environment for other people, and telling them that their gender must be this because of x, y, z reason isn’t a supportive environment for exploring gender.

You don’t know the younger version of me, she was very stubborn and felt like she was a boy and it was totally normal to want to be a girl sometimes. I was stupid and arrogant and did not want to be trans, but being trans isn’t something you can choose, can’t just stop being trans, and I really paid for it later due to my much later transition. You could’ve talked to younger me about how trans is a thing and I would’ve said it didn’t apply to me. I wish someone would’ve given me that kick and said “Hey dipshit you’re trans, whether you like it or not” and countered all my dumbass excuses about being a boy and how it’s normal for boys to do this, because it isn’t and wasn’t.

That mod is likely a cis person telling trans women what it means to be trans and denying their signs of being trans, I have the right to be angry at him.

I’m not saying that people need to perform in ways to be trans. I myself am like that I don’t act or dress particularly feminine (been denied official care for that as well) I am saying though that for many people these are signs and the mod is denying the validity of signs that people are trans with their statements while hiding behind the egg prime directive.