PORTLAND, OR—Charmed by how remarkably cruel everyone was, visiting friend Kaitlyn Hickman told reporters Tuesday that she was pleasantly surprised by Portland’s open hostility toward homeless people. “I was really concerned before coming here that people were going to try to extend aid to those without shelter, but…
Oregon is a lovely place to visit, but it is a mess to live in. After the tourists have left, it rains like crazy here. Mosquitoes are big as Sherman tanks. The people are unfriendly… and most of us are starving… Our freeways are jammed tighter than scorched rice pudding. Our smog is awful… some days you can’t see from Molalla to Silverton. Fuel bills are so high most people just build igloos in the back yard and spend the winter there… There are no fish in the streams… and nobody has seen a rose around here for years. Actually what happens in the summer when tourists come is that we paint our hills green, put up false silhouettes for mountains, borrow a few lakes from Washington and California, and hire some actors to look cheerful. So… spread the word. Oregon is a great place to visit, but no place to call home.[
Don’t forget that after the tourists leave, the supply mechanics of Voodoo doughnuts kick back in, resulting in copious amounts of doughnuts circulating around the city. This causes a temporary obesity problem but everyone works it off in the spring. I read a study in Nature talking about the ecological effects of this phenomenon but I didn’t really understand it.
Happy to spread the word for you but unfortunately I personally speak sarcasm 😂
Also I like doom n gloom so 🤷
That famous copy pasta can be credited to our states great James G Blaine, though some believe it to have been written by a friend of his.
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Love, Tom McCall…
On all major highways at the state borders there is a sign that reads: “Oregon Thanks You”… for leaving.