It’s okay. I don’t exactly understand what caused your fear and doubts and what they are, but I will try replying based on guesses what you might mean. I have no psychology background and am also very much a beginner meditator, but I have read that it’s possible to have negative experiences with meditation when turning your attention inwards, because you become very aware of your thoughts, worries and fears and they might overwhelm you. Meditators are typically told to accept and observe them, but without clinging to them. But that’s not always easy, especially with with mental health issues. Meditation can be very helpful, but it does not replace seeing mental health support, and it’s not a cure to all psychological problems. Maybe it’s just not the right thing for you in this moment in time and that’s okay, it doesn’t mean you “failed” at meditation. Practice some self-compassion. If you want to keep meditating, try experimenting with methods. Maybe meditations where you focus attention outwards (e.g. some object) instead of inwards are more suited to you, as you don’t focus so much on your thoughts. Maybe shorter meditation times like 3 minus are easier on you and might help you get back to practicing a habit without it feeling like a huge commitment. The most important step you have already done, that is to reach out to other people. If you can afford it, consider accepting help from a therapist. If you have the contacts, talk to people in the real world instead of just online. And don’t be harsh on yourself, take care.