Not right now, as I’m broker than broke. The bureaucratic nightmare of reapplying for federal aid, necessary loans, to schools, the possibility that I’m still not mentally capable enough, not willful enough to overcome my disabilities in order to thrive in a learning environment… Higher education in the U.S. is also just such a racket. International schools still charge absurd prices for foreigners, especially from the U.S., because they know they can. There are so many universities to choose from, some programs deemed more prestigious than others, some degrees that mean everything and some that mean utterly nothing. It’s a chaotic, confusing mess and I’m mortified of the prospect of dealing with it again.
On the other hand, I need a goal. A purpose. Passion. Something to move me forward rather than just being stuck in a dead end job I can barely tolerate just to continue living paycheck to paycheck. When I first tried college, I studied anthropology and I loved it. I just couldn’t keep up with the course work, or the physical labor of getting to class every day (20 minute walk to and from class, had class ~3 times a day, all hours apart). I became an alcoholic and barely made it out alive… by flunking out. I also absolutely despise gen-ed courses like algebra, science, etc. when they don’t specifically pertain to my field of study and it makes it very difficult to stay motivated to not fail out of them.
Idk. I have ideas brewing in my head about what I could do with a degree, specifically an Anthropology-Korean dual major, or anthro major Korean minor. I could write a counter-ethnography dispelling the hegemonic western, liberal orientalism regarding the DPRK from shit like “The Cleanest Race”, with specific interest in DPRKorea’s nuclear program and the way the people view it, especially when it comes to their nuclear power outside of the purview of western mouthpieces, like the nuclear power electrifying their nation. But I’m also a white Amerikan. Do we need more white Amerikans writing ethnographies? Could I accidentally wind up contributing to the orientalist hegemon I despise so much? At a personal level, could I even survive if I pursued this path, or would I simply die a destitute, ridiculed anthropologist?
Just something I’ve been thinking about. I’d like to know comrades’ thoughts.
While I’m home-schooled now, I kind of miss the days of my middle school, you know it wasn’t something that good, then I thought it was bad, but now looking back it was actually good, of course it wasn’t the best experience ever, but miles better than high school was, there were plenty of pricks of course and much conflict every now and then in the class, the school as a whole even had a nickname ‘‘cowboy school’’, but nothing compared to high-school morons and miles better than it(it’s literally hell), even all teachers except 1 or 2 were top notch.
Shame I had to change it though, it would be actually beautiful if I stayed until 8th grade until the end, new school after was terrible since they hyped it up as ‘‘much better than the previous’’, better my ass, almost everyone was mean and removed there and teachers were the biggest downgrade but even that pales in comparison to high school, ugh I hate it, kind got over with a rant lol.