I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.
All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.
I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.
I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know
I’m sorry everyone
If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now
I still feel like I’m in the void
Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever
Don’t beat yourself up over this, if you keep blaming yourself then you’ll never step out of this rut.
Shits happened, that can’t be changed but you’ve recognised where you were at and what’s wrong with how you were handling situations.
It takes a great deal of strength to recognise the problem.
You know this isn’t sustainable and now it’s time to change that.
Be proud of the fact you’ve recognised this, next step is addressing this and slowly climbing out if this rut.
Don’t beat yourself up as unrealistic goals and self deprication are a unhealthy and toxic combination for tripping you up.
Instead try to think positively, yes you made a mess but you’ve realised this, you know what you need to do, you still have that awareness and it’s allowed you to recognise what you need to do. Now to implement that.
Take it slow comrade, nothing happens overnight, everything is a journey and this is the start of your journey out of this dark place 🫂
Rooting for your wellbeing and I hope you feel better soon ❤
Just don’t give up, we are all rooting for your health!!