Make every car moan when you start it
Have penis make very loud air raid siren alarm when slightly hard
First wish: all humans turn blue for 24 hours after masturbating
Second wish: reverse all human digestive tracts so food goes into anus and excretion comes out of mouth, trump style
Third wish: reproductive organs are all non functional for reproduction specifically and humans mate by doing The Polka for 6 consecutive hours.
Love, Satan
Third kind of makes the first one pointless. Unless that is, you consider doing the Polka by yourself masturbation.
Notice how I said reproduction specifically. You could still pleasure yourself. and yes solo polka would also count as masturbation
Do you masturbate to reproduce?
Shit damn. I can’t masturbate OR polka without turning blue? That really is diabolical.
Funnily enough, the third wish is actually one of the most positive things that can happen here.
Now people will fuck each other all day without having to worry about getting pregnant. No pills, no implants, no hormone. It’s just good ol’ pleasure now.
I’m blue, da ba dee da ba di
Final wish: You can never leave the lamp again.
Final wish: Increase childhood cancer by 500%.
You sick fuck.
Take your up arrow.
Climate change solved?
XKCD 2741 Alt Text: “I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc.” “Are you SURE you–” “And I want you to put it in my house.”
How do we know that’s not what happened to Trump?
He would have lost focus babbling halfway through his first wish and never reached a coherent request.
Accelerationism intensifies.
Give everyone tastebuds in their anus.
What if I put my tastebuds in someone else’s anus?
It’s 2023. Have you not done that yet?
Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy
Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy
I call that an average Saturday night
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Of course I know the taste buds in my colon (TBIMC) can never be cured, but my doctor told me that with proper diet and excercise and Poisantin, my TBIMC could be monitored, putting me in control of the size and sensitivity of the taste buds in my colon.
Third wish: we hit 2 degrees ten years ahead of schedule
