Not to be the bad guy here, but as an average person, somewhen you reach a point of feasibility where it is just so freaking hard. Like, ok, we don’t own a car, we don’t drive. We rely on walking, public transportation and biking every now and then. We barely ever eat meat. We try not to buy imported fruit and vegetables, that one avocado every other month is more like a celebrated treat for our toddler. Try to avoid stuff wrapped in plastic. We avoid, reuse, recycle. Don’t buy new clothes, hardly buy clothes for us grown ups at all. Most presents our girl gets are pre owned, too. We line dry our clothes that we wash with as little detergent as possible, as rarely as possible, at the lowest temperature that still does the job.
But we live in a rental that heats with gas (as do a lot of Germans). We try to heat to a bare minimum despite having a small kid at home, we tried adjusting to cooler temperatures but below 18° room temperature during the day we just couldn’t do it in the winter. Not to mention the mold. We buy the organic, fair trade coffee, knowing fully well that we shouldn’t drink coffee in the first place. I type this from a phone that is not even 18 months old since my other phone got so unbearably slow it was unusable in everyday life.
And I feel bad about those things. I feel bad about every time I buy a coffee in a paper cup (and if I knew I would need a coffee to go I would have brought one from home to begin with so of course I don’t have a reusable cup on me either). I feel bad about our toothbrushes because they have plastic in them and about my mascara coming in a plastic container. I feel bad about picking up a toy kitchen with a family member’s car instead of using public transport. I feel bad I cannot afford to go to those shops where they sell foods unwrapped and that I cannot always get the organic options. Hell I feel bad because I don’t know which option is the better one, the regional apples in a plastic packaging or the imported ones without or the organic ones from somewhere in between and I feel like I should know for every item.
But I just don’t know how to go further. I don’t want to brush my teeth with sticks and I don’t want to make my own deodorant. But I feel like I will forever be at fault and owe my daughter everything until I literally live in a cave. Maybe it’s like this 80/20 rule but I feel like 80 is just not enough. That kid deserves 100, she doesn’t deserve excuses that something is too hard or not feasible.
We’re trying. We really are, my dear. And I am so sorry we are failing you and we cannot give 100%, be it for financial or practical reasons.
Life itself isn’t exhausting, it is actually pretty easy, but my mind exhausts me. There is this feeling of guilt that I cannot shake off. Whatever I do, I will never be able to escape the use of fossil fuels completely. I will always need to choose the lesser evil of two options. Maybe there would be a better way of life but as so many other things, you need to be able to afford that kind of lifestyle. And in some way I realize that whatever I do is miniscule on the greater scheme of things. But it doesn’t eleviate the feeling of guilt. Yeah my individual impact is so miniscule I didn’t even try to bother isn’t exactly what I want to tell my child when they grow up and ask what I have done while the world was being set on fire (not just ecologically speaking).
Not to be the bad guy here, but as an average person, somewhen you reach a point of feasibility where it is just so freaking hard. Like, ok, we don’t own a car, we don’t drive. We rely on walking, public transportation and biking every now and then. We barely ever eat meat. We try not to buy imported fruit and vegetables, that one avocado every other month is more like a celebrated treat for our toddler. Try to avoid stuff wrapped in plastic. We avoid, reuse, recycle. Don’t buy new clothes, hardly buy clothes for us grown ups at all. Most presents our girl gets are pre owned, too. We line dry our clothes that we wash with as little detergent as possible, as rarely as possible, at the lowest temperature that still does the job.
But we live in a rental that heats with gas (as do a lot of Germans). We try to heat to a bare minimum despite having a small kid at home, we tried adjusting to cooler temperatures but below 18° room temperature during the day we just couldn’t do it in the winter. Not to mention the mold. We buy the organic, fair trade coffee, knowing fully well that we shouldn’t drink coffee in the first place. I type this from a phone that is not even 18 months old since my other phone got so unbearably slow it was unusable in everyday life.
And I feel bad about those things. I feel bad about every time I buy a coffee in a paper cup (and if I knew I would need a coffee to go I would have brought one from home to begin with so of course I don’t have a reusable cup on me either). I feel bad about our toothbrushes because they have plastic in them and about my mascara coming in a plastic container. I feel bad about picking up a toy kitchen with a family member’s car instead of using public transport. I feel bad I cannot afford to go to those shops where they sell foods unwrapped and that I cannot always get the organic options. Hell I feel bad because I don’t know which option is the better one, the regional apples in a plastic packaging or the imported ones without or the organic ones from somewhere in between and I feel like I should know for every item.
But I just don’t know how to go further. I don’t want to brush my teeth with sticks and I don’t want to make my own deodorant. But I feel like I will forever be at fault and owe my daughter everything until I literally live in a cave. Maybe it’s like this 80/20 rule but I feel like 80 is just not enough. That kid deserves 100, she doesn’t deserve excuses that something is too hard or not feasible.
We’re trying. We really are, my dear. And I am so sorry we are failing you and we cannot give 100%, be it for financial or practical reasons.
You seem like a good person but damn your life seems exhausting
Life itself isn’t exhausting, it is actually pretty easy, but my mind exhausts me. There is this feeling of guilt that I cannot shake off. Whatever I do, I will never be able to escape the use of fossil fuels completely. I will always need to choose the lesser evil of two options. Maybe there would be a better way of life but as so many other things, you need to be able to afford that kind of lifestyle. And in some way I realize that whatever I do is miniscule on the greater scheme of things. But it doesn’t eleviate the feeling of guilt. Yeah my individual impact is so miniscule I didn’t even try to bother isn’t exactly what I want to tell my child when they grow up and ask what I have done while the world was being set on fire (not just ecologically speaking).