It seems like they are cutting as much symbolism as they can out of the shots they decide to keep in the show but every other episode feels like " We’re a family with 9 kids and everyone is homeschooled. Oh yeah and we just happen to be active in our church too."
Like, no shit you’re active in the church… Normal people do not have a quiver full of isolated kids like that. It’s not normal or healthy.
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I grew up in a big family like this. All of us are deeply scarred. What’s lurking beneath the surface in most of these families is severe neglect from parents, sexual abuse from unsupervised and confused siblings or older relatives, catastrophically underdeveloped social skills. No parents can properly raise 9 children at once. It’s an environment that creates adults with no boundaries and no self esteem and tons of hidden trauma.
Thanks for sharing, very interesting and sad insight.
Edit: I just realized that the context OP is talking about is a quite a bit different than what I am talking about.
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It can work, but it literally has to be a community effort to raise that many kids. I come from a small family, but my wife didn’t. She is Asian and she has 7 siblings. However, she grew up in a very strong, multifamily community that have all been close since they escaped Laos at the tail end of the Vietnam war.
Everyone tries to help for the most part and generally everyone has the same values between the different families. Kids just kinda grew up in several different houses at once around a ton of family and that is just how it was.
I can’t really say that I know all the nuances of being raised in a large family, but when I started dating my wife 20+ years ago, I can say they just pulled me right into fold. It has been an interesting journey so far.
Other cultures definitely do it better. Right wing American families tend to be isolationist and distrustful of outsiders, and so they don’t have close knit communities like this. There’s also a lot of turmoil and bickering about the fine print of religion that makes them not get along with each other, at least that’s how my childhood was.
If you do the ‘it takes a village’ approach, having a larger family with kids that aren’t neglected can work. But that’s just not typical in the Western world.
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I saw it in dozens of families growing up. In the years since, my siblings and i have reached out to others with similar experiences, and we’ve been shocked by just how common our experience was. The Duggars are a classic and very visible example, but this is an archetype for thousands of families across the US.
alright. Lets look at the neglect angle, for example. lets use a typical “traditional” family where one parent earns enough money to allow the other parent to stay home and care for the kids. Lets say that the working parent works fifty hours a week on average. (this is probably being very generous here. More likely 60-80 in todays realities.)
So, for the working parent: There’s 168 hours in a seven day week. so just working fifty hours comes down to to 118. lets say they have a half hour commute. That’s another five hours. down to 113. Now lets say, they like to sleep for six hours a night- 42 hours a week-. we’re now down to 72 hours available. Five hours a week to up keep (paying bills, maintenance on houses/cars/yardwork.) throw in social obligations (lets say three hours to go to church on Sundays, and an hour on Wednesday nights.) 68 hours of available time.
Assuming all this time is spent on the children, because, you know, they’re responsible adults who really love their kids, and absolutely none of it is spent drinking beer in a boat because their kids are little monsters, the available hours per kid starts going down dramatically:
now for the stay-at-home parent:
We start again with 168 hours per week. Six hours of sleep a night takes us down to 126. Ten hours a day spent cleaning, cooking, laundry, and similar such things: we’re down to 56. lets say another
I can already hear you screaming “BUT THEY"RE AROUND”. no. they’re not. They’re busy doing shit. they might (might) be engaged enough to keep the kids from killing each other, but I’m not holding my breath given the general intelligence of the average kid and how quickly things can go from bad to dead.
but this isn’t about if they’re just around, or not, this is about the parent’s time as a resource that’s finite; and so the question isn’t ‘are the around’ but how many hours in a day can each parent contribute to a single kid in a dedicated, intentional manner. and with that, the hours each kid gets, from the stay-at-home parent:
are you really going to sit here and tell me that kids who receive 10 hours a week of invested parent-time are going to come out to be as capable and successful and well-adjusted as someone whose receiving over a hundred hours a week? And this goes with every other resource kids require growing up, including financing (for education, healthcare, and activities.) Or even better yet, also sees their parents having healthy social relationships and making healthy life choices (like self-care)
Now for some simple, cold, hard facts: kids didn’t choose to come into this world, neither did they choose which families. They gain no benefits from being in a large family over being a in a small family. The parents are choosing to impose hardship and probably life-long poverty on their children simply because they couldn’t’ figure out a condom; or decided that their wanting a small pet that looks like them happens to outweigh any responsibility those parents owe them.
oh. and by the way… why do you care what we think? you could just not be in this community. it’s okay. (Pot. meet. kettle.)
That is so depressing when you see the stark numbers like that. I will spend time with my daughter as much as possible, even now that she’s a teenager and wants a lot more alone time. Any time she needs to talk, I will have time available for her. But these parents? Forget it. You need a lengthy heart-to-heart about something that’s really troubling you? You’re not going to get it from mom or dad, so you better hope Sister #6 is around and likes you.
One thing I really didn’t mention is that childcare is going to take up all the free time- like either they dump their kids on any one around or they cart them along all as one herd.
And it only gets worse as they get old enough for sports or dance or debate or robotics completions. Or whatever.
2 people simply can’t be everywhere, and this is assuming they’re able to go in the first place
Do you need a hug?
Yes, religious cults are famous for their mass downvoting sprees on the internet.
What the fuck are you even talking about man? People just think what you said is stupid. But if it makes you feel any better I didn’t downvote your post.
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What evidence do you have of this fervor?
Man, yeah, 100 down votes in a few hours makes you equivalent to people having half a dozen or more kids cause their nut bar local church is more than half cult.
Best thing that has happened is the amount of press on families like the Duggars who are members of a child abuse cult, or the church of latter day daily saints, or Jehovah’s witnesses, or the entire SBC and Catholic Church.
You want to see what this shit looks like en masse when these people grow up, look at the federalist society, home school capital of the world!
Families that large almost always parentify the older children, thus robbing them of their own childhood.
Also, as somebody who has had to teach teenagers who had previously been “home schooled”… It’s rough. They are usually not schooled at all. I’m talking 16- and 17-year-olds with a third grade reading level and a first grade math level. I wish I were exaggerating.
Lol stay mad
I was gonna respond, but yours is so much better.
Wait, how is downvoting in any way similar to anything a religious cult does? Just not liking what you say is cult behavior? Does everyone have to like everything you say?
You’re on an atheist magazine, champ. What do you expect when you post quazi-christian-apologist stuff here?
We only have 4 options, up vote, down vote, ignore and block.
Atheist here, I agree. Nobody forcing me to watch, have a big family, or go to church. Right now I’m watching Suits and the Witcher. I’m not a capitalist or a magic using monster hunter.