Bird Law is the best specialty.
For the public, this probably sounds like a strange and non prestigious reason to pursue a career in law, but for lawyers, dealing with people’s idiosyncrasies is one of the juiciest and most interesting parts of the job and a big reason to be drawn to the profession to begin with.
I think everyone in any profession like to talk about “the weird stuff” most.
Step 1: teach the bird to talk shit about you.
Step 3: Profit
Say the bird does start talking shit about one of them: how do you prove it was the other person to teach the bird and not the person being insulted?
This isn’t enforceable.
Has to be a really dreadful divorce if you spend tens of hours teaching “Michael is a shitmuncher” to your parrot, just so your ex-partner loses visitation rights to it, and you get to listen to it repeating that phrase for the 30+ years of both your miserable lives.
This is the kind of petty shit bitter divorcees do a lot. At least they aren’t setting up stuff to prevent the other from killing the damned bird to spite their ex.
Broken hearts can be horribly spiteful; planning for the future isn’t often part of that equation.
“If the bird talks bad about either person, it will be handed over to a third party for adoption.”
“You’re welcome, and that will be $3,000.”
–my lawyer, probably
I hope the parrot is bonded to both of them, or has a second parrot friend. Parrots will legit get sick if they stay away from their partners too long/often
Well, uh, filibuster
I feel I’ve made myself perfectly redundant.
NOBODY LOOK!
NOBODY LOOK!
NOBODY LOOK!
“I shan’t mince words with you, I am challenging you to a duel!”
“I accept.”
“You don’t want time to think it over?”
"No, no, I accept your challenge. What time were you thinking about dueling?
“Any time is good, uh, you don’t have time, you’d have to get a gun”"
“I have a gun right here. I even keep it loaded. You never know who’s going to walk in…” “Anyway how does noon sound? I’m gonna put one right between your teeth and it’s gonna pop out the back of your neck.”
goddamn I love that lawyer character
…Phoenix Wright, is that you?
Seems entirely reasonable. Honestly, more reasonable than visitation about dogs or cats which are much less long-lived animals.
