The article makes a similar point, overlapping with the ”the extended family we chose" argument, both of which have some merit.
However, personally I have experienced that friendships are a product of the circumstances and old friends are often only held together by nostalgia for the times when circumstances brought them together. Thus as a result of this, I think continuing friendships like described in the article isn’t that much different from finding new friendships when the circumstances allow it.
I agree with your points. Though for me a big difference has been friends I made before ~25 and friends after 25. There is no way I would want to live anywhere near friends I made before that age. Being in my early thirties, who knows how I’ll feel 10 years down the line. Doing this communal living is a big commitment which might be hard to get out of.
Oh this is so not the case with me but I was a science major so my friends were all big nerds. I sorta like the dorm setup. Granted I would want my own place but man it allowed you to concentrate without everyday things getting in the way.
I hear that. But my wife and I regularly debate about the role of family. I don’t know if it’s more American culture to view family as more “disposable”, e.g. they can be cut-off if toxic, etc. Being originally an (eastern) European, my mentality is that family (or blood-bonds to be dramatic) are always more serious than friends. To that end, I always thought having a large villa with multiple wings for multi-generational housing would be more appealing. My mother and wife (stereotype much?) don’t get along, so maybe a challenging proposition…
The idea of the family is so pernicious when it is used to justify abuse and avoiding responsibility and consequences of bad behavior. Cutting people off when they’re consistently being harmful assholes shouldn’t be contigent upon blood relation or any other kind of personal or group association and all the people selling “family is forever” or “traditional family values” are doing it because they themselves are the abusive asshole that doesn’t want to be cut out
American culture is changing. It used to be that family bonds were the tightest, and we had generational housing, but that started going away during the great depression when a lot of family farms shut down and people lost the house they’d been in for generations. We also don’t like to talk about the amount of generational trauma that came from both the world wars, and that was another nail in the coffin of family life. The most recent blow has been the economy, where both parents need to work and don’t have the time to build the bonds with their children that are needed for a tight-knit family unit.
Idk im from central/western europe too.
For me family is a difficult topic, since I’d like to cut some out but i dont have the heart to go through with it fully.
So low contact it is. Idk what the future holds, but i cant see myself caring for that part of the family personally. Sure, I’ll arrange caretakers etc but I’m never gonna have that person live in my hypothetical mansion.
The article makes a similar point, overlapping with the ”the extended family we chose" argument, both of which have some merit.
However, personally I have experienced that friendships are a product of the circumstances and old friends are often only held together by nostalgia for the times when circumstances brought them together. Thus as a result of this, I think continuing friendships like described in the article isn’t that much different from finding new friendships when the circumstances allow it.
I agree with your points. Though for me a big difference has been friends I made before ~25 and friends after 25. There is no way I would want to live anywhere near friends I made before that age. Being in my early thirties, who knows how I’ll feel 10 years down the line. Doing this communal living is a big commitment which might be hard to get out of.
Oh this is so not the case with me but I was a science major so my friends were all big nerds. I sorta like the dorm setup. Granted I would want my own place but man it allowed you to concentrate without everyday things getting in the way.
Same! Pre / post uni friends is the rough line for me. I have one friend from school still, a few from uni but the rest is more recent than that.
Still, I’d argue (re the previous post but my reply fit better here) that even the “nostalgia friends” aren’t any different from birth family.
Family just comes with more inherent guilt to uphold the nostalgia lol
I hear that. But my wife and I regularly debate about the role of family. I don’t know if it’s more American culture to view family as more “disposable”, e.g. they can be cut-off if toxic, etc. Being originally an (eastern) European, my mentality is that family (or blood-bonds to be dramatic) are always more serious than friends. To that end, I always thought having a large villa with multiple wings for multi-generational housing would be more appealing. My mother and wife (stereotype much?) don’t get along, so maybe a challenging proposition…
The idea of the family is so pernicious when it is used to justify abuse and avoiding responsibility and consequences of bad behavior. Cutting people off when they’re consistently being harmful assholes shouldn’t be contigent upon blood relation or any other kind of personal or group association and all the people selling “family is forever” or “traditional family values” are doing it because they themselves are the abusive asshole that doesn’t want to be cut out
American culture is changing. It used to be that family bonds were the tightest, and we had generational housing, but that started going away during the great depression when a lot of family farms shut down and people lost the house they’d been in for generations. We also don’t like to talk about the amount of generational trauma that came from both the world wars, and that was another nail in the coffin of family life. The most recent blow has been the economy, where both parents need to work and don’t have the time to build the bonds with their children that are needed for a tight-knit family unit.
Good arguments in this thread! Cheers
Idk im from central/western europe too. For me family is a difficult topic, since I’d like to cut some out but i dont have the heart to go through with it fully.
So low contact it is. Idk what the future holds, but i cant see myself caring for that part of the family personally. Sure, I’ll arrange caretakers etc but I’m never gonna have that person live in my hypothetical mansion.