Bro, you’re supposed to use a NEW piece to wipe each time
Everyone has a 3% chance at colon cancer and fibre supplements are a good way to reduce your chances
But then everyone doesn’t have a 3% chance 🤔 /s
No no, if your chances go down, someone else’s goes up. Sucks, but you gotta watch out for number one.
That’s not how averages or statistics work.
I guess lemmings are just as bad as redditors to notice sarcasm.
Kind of hard to do on a text based platform. I had just seen a post with so many people fucking up basic addition, I wouldn’t put it past people not knowing how statistics work.
I think he knows
Fiber. Truly, up your fiber intake. The only time it won’t stain and linger is when it gathers in on itself.
Obligatory bidet comment. You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet. All shits become the same with a bidet, whether a short sticky stoagie or a hot wet mess of diarrhea. Imagine trying to clean a mud snowman off your driveway with a pressure washer. It can do anything.
You are a master of imagery.
You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet.
I lol’d
I’m not gonna pressure wash my tush, that’s a terrible metaphor! Too much power!
Tl;dr: too much pressure can result in an unwelcome “deep clean”, not recommended as a surprise.
You really have to limit the pressure to the bidet. We ultimately installed a little in-line valve but raw dogged it initially. I thought I’d be fine. “It has a dial,” I thought to myself, “I just won’t crank it up all the way.” I’m an idiot.
The next time I was really sick was when it happened. I was little kid sick, the kind of sick where you’re feverish, nauseated, and delirious, barely able to function, yet still have to drag yourself through the house and half-assedly slap your arms at things until they work, just to fulfill basic functions like drinking water and using the toilet. A toilet with a bidet.
I had just finished power blasting the porcelain for the umpteenth time and I wanted nothing more than to wash it away and ooze back into bed. I gathered all my willpower to swing an unwilling appendage over and twist the knob, but I twisted much too far and my aim… my aim was perfect. Bullseye.
In martial arts, they teach you not just to strike your target, but to strike through your target. The bidet didn’t just blast my anus, it blasted through my anus. If we were at the fair, my bidet would have popped the balloon and taken home the big bear. My wife claims she heard me cry out a high-pitched “eeeep!”, but I don’t remember it. I just remember shock and confusion as I pawed at the bidet knob. The bidet had slammed its way straight to home plate and beyond, on to the “fifth base” of legend.
I ordered a valve online that day and installed it as soon as I was able. Never again, not without intent, preparation, and a safe word.
this is a work of fucking art
Real ones use bidet or a watering can first then wipe to simply dry. Much cleaner.
A watering can? Like, for plants?
Yes, I did some searching and I suppose something like a “lota” would be more accurate. But a watering can with 1 hole rather than many
So until they read about it on the internet they were leaving their butthole covered with shit all day?
Bidets… You don’t have bidets?
Nah he didn’t even run for reelection
Eat more fiber.
This is much better advice than the bidet, though it’s not a bad purchase certainly. Buying a bidet is just treating the symptoms, not solving the problem.
Wet the paper using the sink
Spit on that thang.
Hawk tua
Why? The toilet is literally right there.
The bowl water warms up as you use it. Warm.
Bro, wash your ass. You don’t even need to get that fucking deep, just buy a shower scrubber.
Please don’t use a scrubber against your asshole. A washcloth you throw in the laundry after, or just your hands with lots of soap before and after is fine. You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.
Use a bidet, I find whenever I have a burning, the bidet does it.
The blood is likely from a popped hemroid
Moving to Finland was the best thing for my my butt. So clean.
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Obviously, a bidet is the best way to have a clean butt, but baby wipes are a good compromise when in public bathrooms, they clean much better than dry toilet paper. Or wash on the side of the bathtub.
Don’t flush them no matter what the packaging says, though.
You need to shit some more. There is still ink in the pen.
I wipe homeopathically.
0.5 mm² gently applied at the top of my crack for a nice even dispersal.
0.5 mm²of what? 0.5 MM² OF WHAT??
Hot sauce?
I wipe homo pathetically, I’ll leave the details to your imagination.
You wipe up to the fourth knuckle?
Why would I stop wiping? There’s still blood back there!
