• specterspectre@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    6 hours ago

    Fiber. Truly, up your fiber intake. The only time it won’t stain and linger is when it gathers in on itself.

  • SuspiciousUserEnglish
    20·
    9 hours ago

    Obligatory bidet comment. You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet. All shits become the same with a bidet, whether a short sticky stoagie or a hot wet mess of diarrhea. Imagine trying to clean a mud snowman off your driveway with a pressure washer. It can do anything.

    • PagPag@lemmy.world
      5·
      6 hours ago

      You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet.

      I lol’d

      • SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        3·
        6 hours ago

        Tl;dr: too much pressure can result in an unwelcome “deep clean”, not recommended as a surprise.

        You really have to limit the pressure to the bidet. We ultimately installed a little in-line valve but raw dogged it initially. I thought I’d be fine. “It has a dial,” I thought to myself, “I just won’t crank it up all the way.” I’m an idiot.

        The next time I was really sick was when it happened. I was little kid sick, the kind of sick where you’re feverish, nauseated, and delirious, barely able to function, yet still have to drag yourself through the house and half-assedly slap your arms at things until they work, just to fulfill basic functions like drinking water and using the toilet. A toilet with a bidet.

        I had just finished power blasting the porcelain for the umpteenth time and I wanted nothing more than to wash it away and ooze back into bed. I gathered all my willpower to swing an unwilling appendage over and twist the knob, but I twisted much too far and my aim… my aim was perfect. Bullseye.

        In martial arts, they teach you not just to strike your target, but to strike through your target. The bidet didn’t just blast my anus, it blasted through my anus. If we were at the fair, my bidet would have popped the balloon and taken home the big bear. My wife claims she heard me cry out a high-pitched “eeeep!”, but I don’t remember it. I just remember shock and confusion as I pawed at the bidet knob. The bidet had slammed its way straight to home plate and beyond, on to the “fifth base” of legend.

        I ordered a valve online that day and installed it as soon as I was able. Never again, not without intent, preparation, and a safe word.

  • Jimmycrackcrack
    141·
    10 hours ago

    So until they read about it on the internet they were leaving their butthole covered with shit all day?

    • horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world
      3·
      8 hours ago

      Please don’t use a scrubber against your asshole. A washcloth you throw in the laundry after, or just your hands with lots of soap before and after is fine. You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.

    • PapaStevesy@lemmy.world
      1·
      6 hours ago

      This is much better advice than the bidet, though it’s not a bad purchase certainly. Buying a bidet is just treating the symptoms, not solving the problem.

  • Queen HawlSera@lemm.eeEnglish
    233·
    18 hours ago

    Use a bidet, I find whenever I have a burning, the bidet does it.

    The blood is likely from a popped hemroid

  • tibi@lemmy.world
    221·
    19 hours ago

    Obviously, a bidet is the best way to have a clean butt, but baby wipes are a good compromise when in public bathrooms, they clean much better than dry toilet paper. Or wash on the side of the bathtub.