I really don’t feel like existing anymore. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for years now. I used to be 50%50 on killing myself. One hand it’s such a liberating thought. If I died then it will all be over and all my problems or go away but on the other hand I what if something good happens to me in the future? or what about all the other things I already enjoy?.
Sometimes I think things can get better but other times I think, how? I feel like I wasn’t designed for life. Life is a game that I’m losing no matter what. A game didn’t even choose to play btw. I feel beat down all I want to get myself a big box of pizza, a bunch of booze and overdose on cocaine.
It does feel like that - the current times and news cycle have not done much to help. However, regardless of whether there’s a god out there or not, you have one life. Only one life to experience. Please live to the best of your abilities and when you can’t, it’s ok to just survive. Tomorrow could be a better day but you’d need to be around to find out.