Look! They are literally creating jobs before our very eyes!

premiums will increase until morale improves

It reads like it was written at gunpoint.

“Have you commoners considered that Emperor Palpatine now needs an extra sith lord to guard him now? I hope you’re happy…”

There’s no need to make CEOs safe if there are no CEOs

It would also result in huge cost savings, so really it’s a win-win scenario

We have only to be lucky once, you will have to be lucky always.

CEOs should also get food tasters (any worker can poison you), rf interference area of denial van (against drones), and their own SAM system (against rockets). We will create so much value

Unless it’s something increibly long form, a genuine investigative piece, this nearly always means that variations (or sometimes the exact same) mostly pre-written ‘pitch’ was delivered to the email inbox of multiple client ‘journalists’. But they all want the byline for the credibility for more bootlicking press releases continued access and editorial staff can’t say only one or two people get the credit because they all got the same email.

Source: knowing former and current hacks, people who have been in NewsCorp staff meetings

“There’s a crisis of legitimacy within the press! People hate us and call us fake! What can we do?!?”

"We got this:

First, spend 4 years lying saying Biden is mentally competent no matter what.

Second, lie endlessly on behalf of Israel pretending they have never done anything wrong at all and actually it’s Hamas bombing the Gaza strip into rubble.

Third, remember to never allow for one half of a second accurate sentiments towards politicians and CEOs to be broadcast. “Everyone is horrified by this murder!!!” Just keep repeating it."

guess they’ll need to make sure the guards and their families all get the platinum health plans, huh?

Tragic? lmao

yeah tragic it didn’t happen sooner. imagine how many lives could have been saved. rest in piss brian thompson, the world celebrates your death and your grave will be a public bathroom for the rest of eternity.

Existing as a corporate executive must become untenable

DDD

tragic

Lmao well yeah they had to credit all of the state department staff who helped draft the article.

Ba dum tis 🥁