Sometimes I think about the person I am and think to myself, why? Why can’t I just be like everyone else? I hate the person I am. Why am I so different to everyone else?
I’ve been thinking a lot about god recently. Buddha, Allah and Christ If there is one and why would he design me the way he did? Sometimes I feel like I was never made for this world. I have so many things wrong with me I feel like I’m broken. I have two personality disorders, an intellectual disability and speech impediments. Why would a god make me like this? I can’t fit in my existence is socially unacceptable. I made a thread the other day asking the question of why NPD is so stigmatized and the comments where so hateful. They where saying I’m manipulative, dangerous and abusive just I have a mental health problem that is completely beyond my control. Non of these idiots have ever met me or know what I’m like yet were saying all these awful things about me. God knows what your average person believes. I have friends and family I love but I’m worried about how they would react if they found out. Why can’t people see beyond my diagnosis and understand that I’m a person like anyone else who has problems. I’m seeing this guy. I known about him for a year now and we’ve been on two dates and planning on more. I love him to bits and want nothing more than to be with him. I’ve been researching him for a while. Finding out his interests and hobbies so I can make it work. I hope I can make an impression on him so if he does found out he can look beyond all the media hype and love me for who I am.
I just want people to like me. Why would a god give me something so stigmatized? I honestly just wish I had never been born in the first place.
Well, you don’t seem obssessed with yourself, or to put down other people. You have self-awareness and guilt. How did you get this diagnosis?
It’s actually common for people with NPD to feel guilt and shame. Not for other people but shame we can never live up to the person we see our selfs as. I know what your talking about. When I was first diagnosed I didn’t believe him but as time went on I what he said started to make sense. I admit, empathy just doesn’t come naturally to me. Everyone else just feels like a secondary character so it’s hard to care about them even if they’re close to me. I remember when my grandma died and it made a little sad for a few days but it didn’t affect me like it didn’t effect me as much as everyone else in my family.
It was hard to come to terms with my diagnosis because it’s hard to admit there’s something wrong with you with NPD because you’re supposed to be the perfect person and therefore obsessed with being seen as such.