Reading chapter 3 “Being a Boy” was kind of eye opening since it both perfectly described some of my life while being completely wrong on others. I never really had a demanding, shaming, patriarchal father so the in home things did not resonate but the peer pressure really did. I was one of those need to put on a mask kind of children. I remember being both the victim of and doing some of the taunting and bullying to those who didn’t conform. I have never really been into all of the Macho activities but I was into some and remember thinking was I Manly enough. I didn’t play Football but soccer which was mocked as “feminine” but I remember thinking it was more violent and badass than football so these boys didn’t know what they were talking about. So even while rejecting their narratives I was writing my own parallel narrative of toughness and manliness. I remember think similar thoughts throughout my life and still don’t broadcast my more “feminine” and non-traditional hobbies often.

The real heart of this peace is the quotes below (emphasis mine):

when it comes to boys, “neglect is more common than abuse: more kids are emotionally abandoned than are directly attacked, physically or emotionally.” Emotional neglect lays the groundwork for the emotional numbing that helps boys feel better about being cut off. […] Patriarchy both creates the rage in boys and then contains it for later use, making it a resource to exploit later on as boys become men. As a national product, this rage can be garnered to further imperialism, hatred, and oppression of women and men globally.

I think often about how I was barely taught what emotions were or how to deal with them. I remember one big lesson about anger from my father where he said “We can’t control our anger but can control what we do with them”. Which was helpful but still taught me to shut it down and hide it away. I still hear people often say that raising a boy is so much easier than raising a daughter which just shows they don’t do actually do any raising for their boys. They are just letting the culture raise them or ignoring them.