I need some impartial third party advice.

I told my mom the other day that she clearly doesn’t love or care about me because of the way she voted. I don’t believe she can both love her trans daughter while simultaneously willingly inflicting as much suffering as possible.

I decided to block her for a few days.

My aunt, who also hated Trump, is someone I could previously confide in. She cold shouldered me after I sent her the text I had previously sent to my mom.

Finally my aunt was an adult and texted me back last night with this.

“Thought would not have any effect. Didn’t like text you sent your mom. U R on my naughty list was not nice, u owe her an apology. Election wasn’t close decisive across country broke blue wall. Like it or not will be our president next 4yrs be an adult accept & move on!! U take too personal & how it impacts you. We all have choices/decisions it’s about Respect can’t expect others to respect yours if you can’t extend the same courtesy to others. No idea what u r talking about lying never questioned or said you were on job search, good luck with that. I’m taking a long break, disappointed have my own health/medical issues to address so focusing on that & me now. Happy Thanksgiving”

Now this is a person who texted me constantly about what a “pig fucker” Trump is, then she went radio silent a week before the election. When I inquired about the post election results she said “the world isn’t ready for a woman president so I didn’t even vote.” I have a strong feeling she actually voted for Trump and couldn’t stomach telling me that to save face.

Anyways- so I did call my mom and try to apologize against my better judgement. She didn’t answer so I left a voicemail. Basically I said I’m sorry I reacted that way, and I’m under a lot of stress.

She hasn’t replied in text or called back continuing to cold shoulder me essentially throwing my apology in my face.

Now I’m furious. My sister cut my mom out for months because my parents wouldn’t send her money for college. The second she called them back they took her in with open arms as if nothing ever happened. They never treat me that way. Brittany is the golden child of my mom and my stepdad (her current husband). The standards are entirely different for my sister and I. I’ve always been treated worse.

Based on this limited view of my family what should I do? I’m thinking about rescinding my apology and just cutting them out forever. To me it seems clear they don’t actually care about me at all.

When I was hospitalized for three days from my bike accident my mom never came to see me. She’s a 9 hour drive away. When I had my highly invasive SRS she never called to check on me when I was recovering in the hospital. She actively hated the fact I was even doing it telling me “I’ll never look right.”

Pretty sure she’s an objectively awful human being.

  • Bdtrngl@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    You don’t seem to be getting anything positive out of interacting with your family, if you’re not financially dependent on them I would cut bait and live my best life. The text from your aunt is such passive aggressive bullshit, on her naughty list? Fuck outta here.

    • blattrules@lemmy.world
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      7 hours ago

      OP claims she may have voted for trump, but her grammar confirms she definitely voted for trump.

  • Meltrax@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    Don’t think that things like “rescinding your apology” are necessary - just be done. If you can support yourself, and have friends or other people you can emotionally rely on, I would just simply “stop” with your family. Why “rescind your apology”, that will just start another argument for the sake of trying to give yourself some sort of moral high ground, which it aounds like your mother will not acknowledge.

    You don’t need to make a statement about it, you don’t need to announce to them some big decision, just move on. Live a happy life. Be you. Don’t include them in that process if they are not going to be a positive part of it.

    • partial_accumen@lemmy.world
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      10 hours ago

      Don’t think that things like “rescinding your apology” are necessary - just be done. If you can support yourself, and have friends or other people you can emotionally rely on, I would just simply “stop” with your family.

      This so much. If you’ve already concluded that the people in your family have a poor opinion of you for illegitimate reasons, then why are you trying to change their opinions with the “rescinding”? Just decide that you’ve already said your last words and be done with them.

      Move forward with your life and build a family of your choosing, not the one you were forced to be in because of birth.

  • NOT_RICK@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    The world isn’t ready for a woman president

    …so I went back to the well and voted for a known rapist for president. Long history of that, so no worries!

  • raynethackery@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    I’m gay. My nephew knows this. We are the same generation so he is more like a little brother to me. When he told me he voted for Trump I was so angry. I have cut him off. He and I were just beginning to get closer these last couple of years. This election wasn’t about different fiscal priorities. It was about our very survival. I guess we couldn’t overcome the propaganda thrown at us. If you are not dependent on your family for anything, I would cut them off.

  • clockwork_octopus@lemmy.world
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    10 hours ago

    We can’t choose our blood, but we can choose our family. I’m sorry yours is being shitty to you.

    If this is newish behavior, then you may want to consider distancing yourself from them, give them time to come to their senses.

    If this is just more of the same-old, same-old from them, then it might be time to consider making your own family. By that I mean being selective about who you keep and who you cull.

    You are not required to keep in contact with horrible people, just because you happen to be related. There are plenty of other people out there who are worthy of your time and respect.

  • sit@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    9 hours ago

    I’m not from us. I’m not you or in your situation. So don’t put too much weight on my comment: Don’t do anything black or white. It’s ok to focus on yourself and go radio silent for as long as you deem right, but cutting all ties and dooming their trump voting asses gives you nothing.

    Chill, or try to.

    IMO political things like voting and views should never stand between family or friends. So if discussing things like that causes trouble I have skipped the topic entirely.

    Friendship/Family >>> political discussion

  • Random123@fedia.io
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    7 hours ago

    Good on you to backtrack and make amends with your mom. Its not right to demonize your family over politics unless they explicitly express sentiments that contradict your well being.

    Its not right that your aunt and mom gave that childish reaction but at the same time your actions were also childish. Point is, apologize as you did and have them apologize for their reaction. What they did was essentially return the same energy when they should have been the bigger person.

    On a side general note:

    Rather than focusing on who someone voted, focus on why they voted and go from there. Someone who votes for trump is not automatically a racist bigot etc. they could have voted for many other reasons. Dont fall into the obvious mind trap that every trump voter is a piece of shit. That just further divides society.

    Edit: didnt realize there was more. If your mom didnt give any excuse for why she didnt check up on you then theres not much to lose in ghosting her at this point.

  • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Your mom and aunt don’t at all get that voting for someone that wants to harm you as much as possibly is extremely different from disagreements on tone or policy foreign and domestic. They at used to an easy world back when politics was largely insignificant to life changes. I’m facing ethnic clensing after Trump’s win. This isn’t a joke, he’s very open that he’s going to denaturalize Hispanics, you know, remove their legal status that can take up to 30 years to achieve, and deport them anyway. There’s a lot of families being torn apart by this election, my wife is furious with family that voted in favor of ethnicity clensing her spouse and kids, stopping women from having a right to medical treatment in exactly the high risk pregnancies she wouldn’t have survived if these laws were in place in that time. It’s sickening. They are voting for fascism, racism, sexism, and hate.

    They don’t get it, they’ve never taken politics seriously. And they think nothing will happen to them because they’re white women who have never faced abuse they can’t get out of. If you need peace from them, do so. Protect yourself, and I hope you live in a blue state.

  • NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Objectively, we can only recommend that you find a good therapist. In person, not on the wild wide internet.

    This fight between you and your relatives is unreal. I’m not going into it any further, just this: No ‘side’ can ‘win’ anything from it unless people change attitudes thoroughly.

  • themeatbridge@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Set all of the politics aside for a bit.

    People can be more than one thing. Humans have an incredible capacity for psychological incongruity. Your mom doesn’t see the straight line between her politics and loving you. Your aunt doesn’t see how the person occupying the White House should directly create a rift in personal relationships.

    Your mom probably thinks she is doing what is best for you while not supporting you in any meaningful way.

    It’s your choice what sort of relationships you want to have with your family. Your mom is not perfect, and you should not expect her to change. But also, neither should you feel the need to change who you are for anyone, including your mom.

    You can choose to be as guarded with her as you need to be, hoping that simply existing in her life will improve her outlook on social issues, but any efforts to make her understand what you’re going through would be wasted effort.

    If having a relationship with your mother causes you anxiety and distress, the healthiest option may be to have no relationship with her. Going low contact/no contact isn’t going to prove anything or win any argument, but it might make your life markedly happier.

    Don’t engage in the political argument. There’s no cheese down that hole. Be honest and sincere, and never apologize if you don’t mean it. Relationships are built on trust, and if you cannot be honest with your family, then don’t speak with them.

    You exist, and you matter. You deserve happiness and serenity, and so does your mom and so does your aunt. Live the life you want with the people you want in it. And remember that you can leave the door open, but it’s up to them to walk through it. If they choose to cut you off, accept it and walk away.

  • fartsparkles@sh.itjust.works
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    8 hours ago

    I don’t have good advice here as I’m blessed with parents that ask their kids’ input before voting.

    There’s a lot of people suggesting cutting off your family and highlighting scenarios they did the same with their family over the recent election.

    Just remember that if they’re stuck in an echo chamber, while to you this was about survival, they experienced very very different messaging through the past few years. They very well could have no idea the true ramifications of their vote.

    These echo chambers of misinformation and disinformation are dangerous and, in my opinion, we need to help people out of them and not cut them off to leave them to fall deeper and deeper into them.

    That said, you still must prioritise your health and wellbeing. If your relatives are deeply impacting you, you don’t deserve that and must look after yourself as a priority.

  • xmunk@sh.itjust.works
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    10 hours ago

    Fill your life with things that enrich it - not things that bring you misery. If you think your mom is bringing misery into your life then cut off communication until something changes.

    It fucking sucks to have a family that doesn’t enrich your life but there is no reason to cling to misery.

  • OsrsNeedsF2P
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    6 hours ago

    I told my mom the other day that she clearly doesn’t love or care about me because of the way she voted. I don’t believe she can both love her trans daughter while simultaneously willingly inflicting as much suffering as possible. I decided to block her for a few days.

    You’ve gotten a lot of advice but I want to focus on this point. What on earth did you think was going to happen? You’re out here making the relationship worse, for no potential upside, and then acting Pikachu when it gets worse.

    Healthy relationships require continuous investment to build. It doesn’t matter if your mum isn’t doing that, it is very clear from your post that you’re not either.

    (Note: I don’t disagree with other people that your mum and aunt are crazy/terrible/whatever, but at the end of the day those things are irrelevant to my point)

  • PlzGivHugs@sh.itjust.works
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    6 hours ago

    As everyone has clearly stated, you need to watch out for your and your personal health and safety (mental and physical).

    That said, I just want to highlight the fact that you probably shouldn’t broadcast your feelings on it too bluntly (even if you are in the right) and should consider if a more middle-ground approach would be better for you compared to making a large announcement and cutting people off. To be clear, this should be primally about you and your well-being, though.

    In particular, as other have stated, if you’re cutting them off anyway, its probably worth considering just ghosting them. That way you can avoid fights and drama, as well as likely having less records of you being trans if you’re worried about that.

    If you still care about your family a lot, as it sounds like you do, it may also be worth considering trying to work out a plan for low-contact rather than completely cutting them off. For example, if you communicate mostly through social media, you might disconnect or switch to alts they don’t know. If its primarily through sms but not phone, prehaps block or hide their sms messages but allow them to call you. Maybe you just need to stop visiting them or allowing visits. Your family doesn’t need to know this plan or the reason for it, and probably shouldn’t. For example, you could just brush it off as wanting to disconnect from social media/technology or being busy. If you want to go this route, figure you what works for you - don’t do it out of obligation, but because you genuinely want to keep the connection and are confident you can do so with without putting yourself in danger. Also, be willing to re-evaluate this later, if your relationship or need change.

    In the same vein, you can also start looking at moving to safer regions. I understand this is a big commitment, so I don’t expect it to be a reasonable answer, esspecially in the short term, but if may be worth starting to look at whats involved. It might be complete overkill (I pray to God it is) but if you don’t have significant roots, moving further away may help distance yourself from them, while also providing more security.

    Ultimately, I don’t think you’re in the wrong, if you feel the need to resort to anything more extreme for your own well-being, don’t hesitate. At the same time, it can be hard on you to lose family, reguardless of how terrible, abusive, or stupid they may be, which is why I’m bringing up some more middle-ground options. Consider your needs, and decide what the best way to achive that is - you don’t need to consider their reaction or feeling when trying to figure out how to keep yourself safe and healthy.