OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs.
“We WON’T Eat Bugs,” the CPC said in an online petition it posted this week. “No one is asking us to, but we’re so scared someone might, and it could be Justin Trudeau. And that makes us furious and so very frightened of this version of Justin Trudeau that we made up who is making us eat bugs.”
Many political scientists believe the reason rightwing politicians become hysterical at the idea of eating insects is due to the fact that in school, all of them were either the kind of children who made other children eat bugs, or the kind of children who would’ve made other children eat bugs if they’d possessed the upper body strength to do so.
“Like all bullies, conservatives are deeply afraid of pretty much everything,” said Dr. Abigail Petrie, the head of the Political Science Department at McGill University. “They mask their terror with anger, but beneath their performative rage you’ll find a person who is terrified of anything and everything. Sadly, rather than simply coping with their anxiety in a healthy way, conservatives lash out, like a dog attacking a vacuum cleaner while pissing itself in fear.”
Nailed it.
Holy moly, it’s real.
What’s it called when you eat the onion but turns out it actually is real?
Thank God, the market price of lobster and crab is too damn high. Even prawn is getting up there.
Oh shit new moral panic just dropped!
So… what are the odds that trump is going to have The Onion shut down?
I guess we’ll find out on the Beav.
More for me!
Why does it feel like the onion keeps pushing a certain agenda?
It used to be funny and didn’t feel like it had a political agenda.
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
except this is the beaverton
Why are you pushing a political agenda!
says the maga pushing an agenda
Hahahahaha
Their agenda’s been the same as ever, since its beginning…
