this intentional obfuscation with the modlog that you then bang over our heads as proof of your points is a terrible way to treat anyone at all, let alone your autistic comrades. I know I’m not the only person who thinks so.

I don’t fucking know if I want to be here anymore because this place is fucking terrifying, and seeing other people saying similar things is validating but heartbreaking.

the first Hexbear related thing I did this morning was look at the modlog to see if I had been banned because TC69 had finally turned her attention to me. (I had intentionally not engaged with her directly because I had seen how that had gone for even sweet morte.)

after that reply begging for mercy, I messaged a mod who has been kind and friendly to me to beg her to please explain it to me on my old account if I did get this one banned, had a good cry, accepted the invitation @Sulvor had sent me earlier to join movie night for a bit, and calmed down enough to eat something and go to bed.

and after all this I’ve written about fairness, because of the ostracization and abuse I’ve suffered my whole life, I can’t help feeling like it would have been my fault if I had been banned. I kept trying desperately to understand and talk out what was happening because it seemed unfair and just plain mean, and that’s not the Hexbear I know. I kept asking questions when it was becoming clear they weren’t welcome as the modlog was filling with bans.

Thank you for sharing your experience, you’re perfectly explaining what my issue with moderation has been for a long time. The hostile “My way or the highway” attitude, the arbitrary stuff, the way we act towards each other when we disagree and that behaviour being encouraged by some mods, the way we talk about each other and issues in vague terms, it all makes this place unwelcoming for ND people. I know that’s not the point of your post, but it exemplifies this point wonderfully anyway.

Thank you for putting all of this into words much better and much more eloquent than I could ever hope to do. I am so happy you are a part of this community. I remember how it was last time TC69 was around. I felt so stressed. This site was not a chill space to be in. You could get banned for anything, and so many people pretended it was just a joke or something. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells. I tried to push for making this space more inclusive to ND people precisely because I saw how uncomfortable it was. Especially with the irony poisoning. It was infuriating to see people talk about making this a “safe space” for queer users and then making JOKES about issues raised wrt to ND users.

was the culture genuinely that bad?? this is a real and sincere question, I’m autistic, I’m sure there are problems that I don’t pick up on.

most of the time irl, I don’t realize a skillful bully is fucking with me until it’s too late, so certainly I’m not gonna catch all the shittiness on here, where I don’t have body language to help.

I was positive towards TC69 upon her return, because I reread some old threads and saw that, yes, there was an issue with transphobes. I hoped she had mellowed out a bit since then, but clearly not. You know what issue we’ve always had? People being ableist and oblivious to it. Lots of users here do things that are ableist and they don’t even think about it. Talking down to people, tonepolice, say people are throwing tantrums, downplay others complaints and REFUSE TO ARGUE IN GOOD FAITH WITH COMRADES.
Acting like a shithead or BANNING PEOPLE FOR ASKING QUESTIONS does not make this a welcoming safe site with a non-toxic culture. What got me banned was not being overly hostile. What got me banned was stating that I am tired of the vagueposting about chauvinism that has been going on for well over a year now, especially when those vagueposters are bigoted as fuck themselves. Every time we learn anything about this site, they use it as an excuse to push for kicking out more people that don’t fit into their shitty little group. “Oh there’s not a lot of cis women on site? Well that’s because we have a culture of cisnormativity and misogyny” - The site is overwhelmingly queer and trans. Maybe it’s got something to do with all of us, or us queer people, maybe, just maybe, it’s not some inherent trait of the 10 straight white guys we’ve got on site. I know I don’t show this place to people for reasons that do not at all have anything to do with “male chauvinism.” I don’t show it because of *the unhinged shit some of you weirdos post. We’ve had several unironic calls for genocide. We’ve had so much hornyposting - and you know who does it? Not the cishet guys. We used to have someone who posted furry porn every day ffs! And it was celebrated! By you!

I am really happy to see where things are heading, but like you @dustbunnies@hexbear.net I too feel incredibly unsure about the moderation team, because I know it wasn’t just one or two people being shitty. It was a clique, a little fan-club. Those of you still around, do some self-crit. If you truly want to remove toxicity, do some self crit. If you don’t give a shit and you just want your own place to hang out, then fuck off and make a discord, why are you even here?

“don’t take it too seriously, it’s just online, it’s just a website!” friend, right now I wish it were just a website, because I would say fuck this place and never look back. no mere website is worth the amount of anxiety and stress I’ve felt and tears I’ve cried in the last 24 hours.

We bring up the “rock stacking” thread as a fun little joke. That thing was triggering af for me for a good while. You know why? I saw some kindhearted people put genuine effort into calmly and kindly explaining something, only to get yelled at, and then after the fact we treat it like “oh yeah everbody was overreacting.” No they weren’t. It’s actually a pretty adequeate reaction to get pissed when people act shitty towards you. You know what’s not an adequate reaction though? Acting like a chanlord troll because you’ve been told you shouldn’t stack rocks. The discourse after the fact soured me so much towards the site. Yeah it’s ridiculous, but actually it’s not, because the reaction of so many users told me so much about them. Not the ones who got told about the events after the fact, I don’t blame any of you, but the people who were acting shitty and then tried to play it off as just “everybody being a bit miffed” or whatever. Do self-crit. It’s the exact same situation with this conflict we’re in now.
I became pissed, not because people disagreed with me about something minor, but because people in what I thought was a cozy fun good-vibes online community, turned into the worst nitpicky debatebro dickhead types the second things didn’t go their way.