As of now, I just got kicked out of another Discord community just because I was “Too Depressing” for them. Namely, that I often questioned how to make friends, and how to tell when someone is being nice to me, and casually expressed that, I had bad times identifying social cues due to a combination of Autism and a mother that failed to teach me social skills growing up.
I knew, well, people that were mostly acquaintances looking back, for about 2 years. I was barely close to them at all, since even though they were all neurodivergent, that was the only thing I had in common with them.
Unlike them, I wasn’t a fan of Genshin Impact (In fact I HATED the game, especially since it was the cause of another online friend abandoning me in the beginning of this year), I wasn’t a loud person, I wasn’t extroverted. In fact, looking back, it felt more like I was tolerated by them rather than warmly embraced by them. And also, they weren’t exactly respecting of my Asexual orientation, the way that, they disregarded how uncomfortable I got whenever they liked to gush over characters and people they really liked and wanted to kiss. They always talked over me.
In fact, I never actually felt like I ever bonded with them, only tolerated them in turn, even after they would always talk over me whenever I wanted to talk in Voice Chat. In the past, they were seemingly okay with me expressing that I had problems with understanding what activities were like, such as the dating scene. But it seemed as though, my last straw for them, was asking why they want to kiss their friends on the lips, and me expressing that I couldn’t accept affection easily, due to my parents ruining affection for me. Apparently, I can never tell when what I say affects people, due to my Autism. They apparently expected me to easily shut up and not let what goes in my head bother people.
Apparently, that was the last straw for them, so about 30 minutes ago, I got banned from that Discord Channel. So it seems that, to update my list, I must hide the following parts of myself: My Depression, my lack of common interests with anyone, my lack of art talent, my quietness and shyness and my Asexuality.
I am close to giving up on finding friends, and accepting my likely feeling fate of living a lonely adult life without any friends or without anyone to talk to. I can’t find a single person that shares a love of Fairytales, 7 Days To Die and The Fallout Series, and who won’t kick me out of their life just because I suffer from Clinical Depression, and I am unable to come up with Extrovert level Small talk.
Are Internet hugs ok?
I don’t know. I didn’t expect anyone to respond.
Well then until you are sure we shall stick with an Internet fist-bump. I wish i could offer something better but i get excited when i see other aces around.
Set boundaries firmly and clearly in plain words with no subtext, and if they don’t respect them then they don’t respect you and aren’t worth your time.
If confrontation isnt your thing… After you all get to know each other. Be sure to communicate to them your boundaries early on. Don’t let shit go. Don’t deal with it. Don’t cope. Don’t waste time. Communicate early and often what you need. If they go, they go and you don’t waste more time with them.
Don’t take getting banned so seriously. They aren’t worth fretting over. They are your past, time to move towards the future.
If you keep meeting people, you will eventually find your tribe.
Even if it’s a tribe of one.
I find your experience very relatable. I had a similar issue with Genshin Impact and I’d add how cynically monetized and exploitative the way it played really was, pressuring people with emotional manipulation into paying up for the sake of imaginary waifus with low-key gambling characteristics.
Before that, I had a similar issue where I alienated coworkers that I nonetheless had to work with at my school district because they were all loudly into Game of Thrones and kept trying to pressure me to watch the show and the “best” parts (the parts with the most gory torture scenes and/or sexual violence) over and over again and it made even eating lunch around them a very awkward and offputting situation, maybe for them too.
For almost ten years that was their thing, dogmatically, and they weren’t interested in anything I was watching, reading, or writing. Locally, on my side of this networked community, I even got called a quote, “joyless scold” for expressing my frustration and disgust with that show and its fandom, much to my surprise at least at first. It still boils my blood when someone under pretense of “grown-ass adulthood” accuses me of being “childish” because I enjoy shows that aren’t necessarily targeting horny teenage boys (which don’t really seem that mature to me) as their primary demographic.
Making new friends can be challenging, but I believe that it’s still possible to meet and interact with people that may actually like the authentic you, where you don’t have to bury parts of yourself just to try to fit in. Even one friend like that may be like an oasis in the desert, and worth the search.
Heh. Tell me about it. Imagine getting that attached to a fictional character.
I don’t blame people for attachment to fictional characters; my primary issue is the way that attachment is cynically exploited for additional profits.
This is a very good description of what it’s like
