Pfft Mr Money Bags over here…
This is good!
When somebody is going trough a mental crisis, I also shun them into loneliness. I only want good vibes! /s
The only thing that matters between friends is real vibes, like truth, respect and understanding of pain. Sometimes we do indeed have to set up a boundary, but not in the general sense as this Twitter quote claims. There is no black and white, and kicking people away for going trough a hard time is not healthy in the long run whatsoever.
“Going through a mental crisis” doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re treating your friends like shit. If you treat your friends like shit, and that drives them away, whose fault is that?
There are, of course, exceptions, but those have to be people whom I care for and love very, very much. And even then, if the toxicity is too damaging to my own mental health, I have to cut them off for my own good. At the end of the day, all human relations rely on a cost/benefit analysis. If I’m losing more than I’m gaining from this relationship, why should I continue it?
I also don’t think you’re doing that person any favors by ignoring their bad behavior.
t the end of the day, all human relations rely on a cost/benefit analysis. If I’m losing more than I’m gaining from this relationship, why should I continue it?
I would drop a person that thinks like this in an instant.
I also don’t think you’re doing that person any favors by ignoring their bad behavior.
Nobody said anything about ignoring. People can help people, yet lately they only think of themselves.
Would you really maintain a relationship with somebody who made you unhappy? Somebody who abused you? Somebody who didn’t respect you? And if so, why?
People can help people, yet lately they only think of themselves.
Why “lately”?
It’s not only thinking of yourself. It’s thinking about yourself and the people who aren’t fucking you up. If somebody has a history of toxic behavior, then you have to take that into account. If you let that affect you, you’re A) harming yourself and B) are less able to help the people who actually do love you and respect you.
Ah, so you’re including abuse. Well abuse is a no go ofcourse. All the rest is just something you’ll have to live with and first reflect upon yourself. If somebody suddenly respects you less, maybe you’re not being respectful either. Regarding the unhappy argument. I find that extremely selfish. My friends are not MEANT to make me happy. They are meant to be there when I’m unhappy. Sometimes they’ll have to “make me unhappy” to make me realize my mistakes. That’s what friendship is all about. If somebody drops you for being at your worst, they are worse.
Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, though. It can also be emotional.
I’m not saying to drop your friends and family at the first signs of negativity. There are people, though, who are not good for you, and nothing you can do can change that. The sooner you figure out who those people are and get them out of your life, the better.
My friends are not MEANT to make me happy. They are meant to be there when I’m unhappy.
What if they make you feel worse when you’re unhappy?
I mean, it looks like we agree that friends should, if not make you happy, at least make your life better in some way. I’m talking about the people who are making your life worse.
Sometimes they’ll have to “make me unhappy” to make me realize my mistakes. That’s what friendship is all about.
What if you don’t agree that they’re mistakes?
I totally agree with your whole position. This isn’t a score keeping exercise. When you spend time with someone, you should feel happy. Not necessarily all the time, but you shouldn’t feel drained, angry, sad, anxious, or self conscious the majority of the time. A significant part of your mental health comes from what you do and who you are with. People need to learn what they can handle and set healthy boundaries. I’ve cut out significant people from my life, people who made no effort to contribute to my happiness because they were only focused on their own for YEARS. I don’t have time for that. I’m glad I learned this in my younger years.
You are making my life worse so I’m just blocking you.
You obviously use people for your own reasons.
healthy boundaries are a secret weapon in securing and keeping happy relationships.
If you don’t want to handle people at their worst don’t have kids!
ETA since apparently people have no sense of humor and/or no kids: when you have kids there are lots of times that they are at their worst. It’s part of being baby/toddler/children. When they are tired they can have absolute meltdowns. And you have to deal with them, because they are your children and you as a parent have to teach them how to deal with those emotions.
So yeah, kids are little sociopaths that are also absolutely lovely. Don’t want to deal with professional liars and manipulators with also zero remorse, don’t have kids.
I’ll have you know I am much worse than a child!
I don’t doubt that, I’m pretty sure you’re old enough that now not even your parents have to deal with you 😝 (Just kidding riding the joke of course, no offense meant)
the more time goes by, the less of it i’m willing to compromise putting up with bullshit. every breath you take is one breath closer to your last
