The more I learn about history the angrier I get about the state of the world. It’s incredible that it has come to this. How have we not gotten past this? It’s the same shit over and over with a different face, how do most people not see this? I feel so incredibly powerless to even begin to approach changing the problems I see in our world. Hell I feel powerless to affect even smaller local issues. Sitting here and watching the slaughter and abuse perpetrated by our ruling class is sickening but what am I to do really? So I sit in my room and shake with rage, I sob for people I can never even meet and everyday that pressure in my chest grows. I feel this insatiable desire to do something but there is genuinely so little I can do where I am. Reading helps I find, developing myself political helps me feel like I am atleast doing something, not just pretending these problems don’t exist like I see so many others doing. I find though, that reading history has the opposite effect. It’s cathartic in that I can let out those awful turbulent emotions through my empathy with different subjugated peoples and my anger at their oppressors. I can let these emotions fill me so that I may understand them better and fuel my revolutionary spirit. This was true in the beginning at least. These days however, its just depressing and awful. I come out of these journeys into the past wondering if things will ever change when they have gone on like this for so long. Will I ever see the world I dream of? Will the slaughter ever end? Idk really, no one ever does I suppose. I smoke a lot more these days.

I know many of you here are likely more educated than me on both history and theory so I ask. How do y’all cope? How do you maintain hope?

Shit genuinely has me like