I’m just so sad right now. I’m listening to someone talking about their experience dating 30+ and I can’t guys. A lot of people have already found someone at my age, and I have no path towards meeting people. And I’m not who I want to be yet. So what do I do? I could try and find someone now (really in the next few years) but are they going to want to stay with me while I transition/get more femme? What are the odds I find someone who’s bi, and likes me both ways. Doesn’t seem very fucking likely. Or I wait even fucking longer, with more and more people getting matched and the ever shrinking pool of people who would date me, and I would also want to date. Then just enter the dating pool completely fresh, trying to date another woman as someone who has lived as a guy her whole life. That joke about lesbians moving things along really fast makes me nervous too, I don’t want to rush right in to something and I worry that will be seen as me being noncommittal/flaky/like I don’t really like her.
How do I even meet people? I’m so awkward and hate the idea of just approaching someone.
NEGATIVITY ABOUT BEING TRANS (WORSE THEN NORMAL), genitals
Let’s be real, I’m not dateable now and even after I transition (if I do) I won’t really be. Why would someone want to date this huge gross person with all this baggage and straight guy issues when you could just as easily date any of the other wonderful women. Some stuff I don’t even want to change. I don’t want bottom surgery. Why would you date a woman with a penis if you could find one without? Why would someone date this ugly, brainwormed pretender instead of someone else. They wouldn’t.
And I haven’t even touched on my issues surrounding sex but its bad. I’m fucked.
doomer/si thoughts
I can’t live the next fucking 50 years of my life alone. I can’t. I’ll fucking kill myself. I am so deeply lonely and I can’t stay like this. I feel like all of my issues have condemned me to this. What a fucking hallow and pathetic life. Is this all there is?
I met my wife when she was 35, Idk what to tell you, time moves differently for queers. Also my first relationship easily survived my transitioning and ended later for unrelated reasons. Not everyone is gonna see “a guy” when they look at you, because a transfem person is qualitatively different from a cis man, estrogen or no. “Both ways” is the wrong way to look at it. Also IME nobody cares how long you lived “as a man”, honestly.
brainworms
Protip: only you think that being “huge” or having “baggage” makes you unlovable, and it does not. Being 6’6" or heavyset are not dealbreakers for a lot of people, y’know.
The bottom surgery thing… Y’know not everybody lives in vulva centrism. Not wanting bottom surgery is cool, actually. As an anecdote, I personally couldn’t really care less what sexual anatomy my partner has, and am happy with whatever they might have. I’m not the only person like this. The idea that having a penis would make you undateable is just… untrue, y’know? I have seen plenty of both t4t and cis-trans couples where this is not an issue. I think you’re projecting your self hate a little…
doomerism is not ml (thanks modlog)
I’m not gonna sit here and act like the trans dating life is easy, but also I came out young and haven’t been single since I was 15 years old, this is not anywhere near as much of a death sentence as you think it is. I promise I can relate to it being awkward to approach people, at least… Social shit ain’t easy…
(Text “fuck you” to stop replies if I’ve been replying too much <3)
I hope it does, now that you say that I feel like I’ve heard a lot of queer people having more atypical timelines.
spoiler + 'male socialization'
Also IME nobody cares how long you lived “as a man”
I just… feel like I act and think like a guy (at least in some aspects) and that people (especially women) won’t like me because of that. The “baggage” is kinda the same thing.
Its a little hard for me to fully accept that, because that isn’t really how I feel. It feels like people like that must be a tiny minority, or a lot of people saying that are just being nice. (continued below)
doomerism is not ml (thanks modlog)
I have not read enough theory to be ml
And what are you referencing in the modlog?
Thank you I really try not to think about it that way but… its hard and new. I feel like I have tried to understand cishet expectations for a long time and now you’re telling me there’s this whole other group I need to learn
You haven’t been <3 I love your replies (and everyone else’s) you help me a lot and I appreciate every one of your replies.
talking far too much about genitals and sex
I actually feel so gross writing this out, god.
I think you’re projecting your self hate a little…
I feel fine about it on myself, but I don’t like how it looks on others/am unsure what I’d actually… want to do with it and I fear they feel the same way. Which would be totally fair and valid and honestly the only option I can really understand on a deep level, but like… then obviously that leaves me in a tough spot. I also feel like I’m being awfully choosy for someone with not a lot of options. I don’t know. The moral of the story is I am worried about dating for many reasons, and I am also worried about not dating.
Sure as fuck does for me, and my wife, Idk normative timeline expectations for people’s life are cisheteropatriarchal, death to america.
'meme socialisation'
Well I mean, you can always try to alter the behavioural aspects you don’t like, but a lot of behaviours aren’t that strongly gendered Idk. Some things are associated more with one or the other binary gender but that does not invalidate you, there are cis women who act “like a man” in certain ways. And yeah, you don’t feel that way, but thankfully other people can have way different perspectives and opinions!!
Oh uh, some grad user got a comment removed with that as the reason, which made me fucking snort. I haven’t exactly read Capital Vol 1 either
Ofc It’s not easy digging out bad notions and such. You’ll always be learning new stuff through transition, I still am! It’s cool honestly.
Also I’m glad I can help it is worthwhile to log on if I can make anyone’s day better, help em feel less bad
lfg
Okay you are allowed to have specific preferences and standards in dating, honestly it’s better not to lower your standards imo. But uh You’re sayin’ you’re fine having a penis but don’t really like em when it comes to a partner? That’s fine, ngl. Some people value specific types of sex that require specific anatomy and that’s allowed, of course. But again, just 'cause you’re not really big on how it looks on others, doesn’t mean anybody else has that same obstacle. There are lots of people who do like how it looks on others, lol
I think it’s fair to be worried about dating, (and not) it can definitely be tough to navigate and requires a lot of communication, but I think you’re worrying a little much.
No worries I’m happy talking about this sorta stuff, sometimes it teaches me things about myself via introspection as well!
I know, I know everyone around here hates the term and I’m sure they’re right but I just couldn’t think of how else to phrase it and I feel like that’s a thing I’m dealing with. I don’t know. I should make a full post about it at some point.
I know I can try and change it, some things I want to and some I’m not sure how to. We’ll see I guess.
That is quite funny, mods pls no ban.
:cat-trans: It really isn’t easy. I do worry a lot. Its hard not to.
Yeah it would be good to have, Idk more detail about this subject. But I can at least say that I didn’t immediately flip to behaving differently and nobody ever bugged me about mAlE sOcIaLiSaTiOn so uh, Idk. Make a post sometime and I will read it!!
It was yeah, grad mods be hardcore I guess. I think we have a doomer comm so no bans here, lol
Not wanting bottom surgery is cool, actually. As an anecdote, I personally couldn’t really care less what sexual anatomy my partner has, and am happy with whatever they might have.
dating, negativity, sadposting
I’m just so sad right now. I’m listening to someone talking about their experience dating 30+ and I can’t guys. A lot of people have already found someone at my age, and I have no path towards meeting people. And I’m not who I want to be yet. So what do I do? I could try and find someone now (really in the next few years) but are they going to want to stay with me while I transition/get more femme? What are the odds I find someone who’s bi, and likes me both ways. Doesn’t seem very fucking likely. Or I wait even fucking longer, with more and more people getting matched and the ever shrinking pool of people who would date me, and I would also want to date. Then just enter the dating pool completely fresh, trying to date another woman as someone who has lived as a guy her whole life. That joke about lesbians moving things along really fast makes me nervous too, I don’t want to rush right in to something and I worry that will be seen as me being noncommittal/flaky/like I don’t really like her.
How do I even meet people? I’m so awkward and hate the idea of just approaching someone.
NEGATIVITY ABOUT BEING TRANS (WORSE THEN NORMAL), genitals
Let’s be real, I’m not dateable now and even after I transition (if I do) I won’t really be. Why would someone want to date this huge gross person with all this baggage and straight guy issues when you could just as easily date any of the other wonderful women. Some stuff I don’t even want to change. I don’t want bottom surgery. Why would you date a woman with a penis if you could find one without? Why would someone date this ugly, brainwormed pretender instead of someone else. They wouldn’t.
And I haven’t even touched on my issues surrounding sex but its bad. I’m fucked.
doomer/si thoughts
I can’t live the next fucking 50 years of my life alone. I can’t. I’ll fucking kill myself. I am so deeply lonely and I can’t stay like this. I feel like all of my issues have condemned me to this. What a fucking hallow and pathetic life. Is this all there is?
dating negativity
I met my wife when she was 35, Idk what to tell you, time moves differently for queers. Also my first relationship easily survived my transitioning and ended later for unrelated reasons. Not everyone is gonna see “a guy” when they look at you, because a transfem person is qualitatively different from a cis man, estrogen or no. “Both ways” is the wrong way to look at it. Also IME nobody cares how long you lived “as a man”, honestly.
brainworms
Protip: only you think that being “huge” or having “baggage” makes you unlovable, and it does not. Being 6’6" or heavyset are not dealbreakers for a lot of people, y’know.
The bottom surgery thing…
Y’know not everybody lives in vulva centrism. Not wanting bottom surgery is cool, actually. As an anecdote, I personally couldn’t really care less what sexual anatomy my partner has, and am happy with whatever they might have. I’m not the only person like this. The idea that having a penis would make you undateable is just… untrue, y’know? I have seen plenty of both t4t and cis-trans couples where this is not an issue. I think you’re projecting your self hate a little…
doomerism is not ml (thanks modlog)
I’m not gonna sit here and act like the trans dating life is easy, but also I came out young and haven’t been single since I was 15 years old, this is not anywhere near as much of a death sentence as you think it is. I promise
I can relate to it being awkward to approach people, at least… Social shit ain’t easy…
(Text “fuck you” to stop replies if I’ve been replying too much <3)
I hope it does, now that you say that I feel like I’ve heard a lot of queer people having more atypical timelines.
spoiler + 'male socialization'
I just… feel like I act and think like a guy (at least in some aspects) and that people (especially women) won’t like me because of that. The “baggage” is kinda the same thing.
Its a little hard for me to fully accept that, because that isn’t really how I feel. It feels like people like that must be a tiny minority, or a lot of people saying that are just being nice. (continued below)
I have not read enough theory to be ml
And what are you referencing in the modlog?
Thank you
I really try not to think about it that way but… its hard and new. I feel like I have tried to understand cishet expectations for a long time and now you’re telling me there’s this whole other group I need to learn 
You haven’t been <3 I love your replies (and everyone else’s) you help me a lot and I appreciate every one of your replies.
talking far too much about genitals and sex
I actually feel so gross writing this out, god.
I feel fine about it on myself, but I don’t like how it looks on others/am unsure what I’d actually… want to do with it and I fear they feel the same way. Which would be totally fair and valid and honestly the only option I can really understand on a deep level, but like… then obviously that leaves me in a tough spot. I also feel like I’m being awfully choosy for someone with not a lot of options. I don’t know. The moral of the story is I am worried about dating for many reasons, and I am also worried about not dating.
This got out of hand but thank you again.
Sure as fuck does for me, and my wife, Idk normative timeline expectations for people’s life are cisheteropatriarchal, death to america.
'meme socialisation'
Well I mean, you can always try to alter the behavioural aspects you don’t like, but a lot of behaviours aren’t that strongly gendered Idk. Some things are associated more with one or the other binary gender but that does not invalidate you, there are cis women who act “like a man” in certain ways. And yeah, you don’t feel that way, but thankfully other people can have way different perspectives and opinions!!
Oh uh, some grad user got a comment removed with that as the reason, which made me fucking snort. I haven’t exactly read Capital Vol 1 either
Ofc
It’s not easy digging out bad notions and such. You’ll always be learning new stuff through transition, I still am! It’s cool honestly.
Also I’m glad I can help
it is worthwhile to log on if I can make anyone’s day better, help em feel less bad 
lfg
Okay you are allowed to have specific preferences and standards in dating, honestly it’s better not to lower your standards imo. But uh
You’re sayin’ you’re fine having a penis but don’t really like em when it comes to a partner? That’s fine, ngl. Some people value specific types of sex that require specific anatomy and that’s allowed, of course. But again, just 'cause you’re not really big on how it looks on others, doesn’t mean anybody else has that same obstacle. There are lots of people who do like how it looks on others, lol
I think it’s fair to be worried about dating, (and not) it can definitely be tough to navigate and requires a lot of communication, but I think you’re worrying a little much.
No worries
I’m happy talking about this sorta stuff, sometimes it teaches me things about myself via introspection as well!
spoiler
I know, I know everyone around here hates the term and I’m sure they’re right but I just couldn’t think of how else to phrase it and I feel like that’s a thing I’m dealing with. I don’t know. I should make a full post about it at some point.
I know I can try and change it, some things I want to and some I’m not sure how to. We’ll see I guess.
That is quite funny, mods pls no ban.
:cat-trans: It really isn’t easy. I do worry a lot. Its hard not to.
spoiler
Yeah it would be good to have, Idk more detail about this subject. But I can at least say that I didn’t immediately flip to behaving differently and nobody ever bugged me about mAlE sOcIaLiSaTiOn so uh, Idk. Make a post sometime and I will read it!!
It was yeah, grad mods be hardcore I guess. I think we have a doomer comm so no bans here, lol
Shit’s kinda scary tbf
I hope you aren’t expecting an in depth analysis or anything, it will literally just be me not understanding things and feeling like a guy
Yeah that’s alright! Replies can do the indepth analysis and confirm that you aren’t
it’s gonna be rad!
Quoting my wife, but I share this sentiment also