I don’t have any issue talking to girls when the intent is not romantic/sexual. OK I have met someone, first few conversations went alright, how do I transition to something else without being embarrassed and feeling like a dick? Like, if I want to say something technical or communicate for something else, everything is fine. Otherwise, I feel very embarrassed and feel like I will be disgusting to her if I said something… I guess it is me trying to be OK with everyone and not have more people hate me… I don’t know if I can take any more people hating me… makes me feel worthless…
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Flirting is a cooperative effort. You can have great game and still fail if she isn’t interested. You might also meet a girl that gives you a positive reaction, but you might miss it if you aren’t looking at her that way. It takes two to make flirting work.
If you want to get to know girls; tell a few jokes or funny stories. If you think a girl might actually like you, tell her a dumb joke. If she laughs, she probably likes you. If she doesn’t laugh, she’s not interested yet. Keep trying and you will learn what works and what doesn’t.
There are lots of women in this world so try talk to as many women as you can. Be persistent without being aggressive and you will do just fine. There is someone out there for everyone.
Flirtation is a lot easier and more comfortable when you know the person already likes you. And it can seem creepy to them if they don’t already like you. So it might be good to not flirt until you’re confident it will be well received and in the meantime just be friendly and sincere. An important aspect of potential relationships is not appearing as if you think someone’s only value is if they’re a potential partner. People talk to and know other people, so treating everyone well can improve chances of potential partners thinking well of you. Sometimes the best thing you can do to find a partner is to work on yourself.
Working on your self-esteem first or alongside your dating efforts will be the most useful thing you can do. This is both in terms of your own personal well-being and in how attractive you will be as a potential partner.
You and me both, brother. But, I did somehow end up getting married twice and having a bunch of kids, so, there’s hope for everyone!
Yeah, one of the thousand pound sisters got married and had a kid.
I don’t get it and googling their username didn’t help
Why would you google their username and if you did why would you publicly admit to it?
I don’t understand the thousand pound sister thing.
Usually stuff like that is a username pun
I did somehow end up getting married twice and having a bunch of kids, so, there’s hope for everyone
one of the thousand pound sisters got married and had a kid.
I get that part.
I don’t get why you called them a thousand pound sister
I didn’t call them that, it was agreeing with their point that anyone (the thousand pound sisters) can get married and have a kid.
Flirting is a compliment. Don’t be ashamed of complimenting people, we could all use a little more of it
Absolutely but you’re leaving out a key concept here, which is pay attention to the reception. If they receive it badly that’s not a hard ‘no fuck off’ (well… unless it literally is), but if it continues to be received badly or even just neutrally, it’s important to recognize this.
OP is worried about how men are judged by default (and understandably so, from both sides of this kind of situation), and they are clearly a little ‘too worried’ but really it’s more like being worried about the wrong part.
People that have trouble with this kind of thing need to shift their perceptive from ‘how will they take it’ to ‘how did they take it’ and make an audible from that point instead of trying to predict the entire sequence. It’s not about the gender or anything else other than how they as a human being receive your attention which requires rational analysis in real time (which is likely where those with low self-esteem can run into trouble) and not falling back on your default perceptions to help cope with the results
OP, Listen TO This MAN!
LEARN TO READ BODY LANGUAGE
What does your wife suggest?
Where people get into trouble is when they assume that because the other person is being nice to them, it means they’re interested in something more. I know women who say they can hardly smile at a guy without being asked out on a date. But of course sometimes that are interested, and it can be hard to know without asking, which can be awkward for both.
If you think she might potentially be interested, you might consider inviting her to something casual, like getting a meal or seeing a movie. That in itself won’t tell you she’s interested, but if she’s not interested in something casual, she likely isn’t interested in more than what you have.
Suggesting something like lunch, coffee, or ice cream is a nice, casual place to start. Dinner, movies, or “a drink” can seem like bigger asks–more officially date-like, more expensive, etc. More casual activities can be a good way to start to get to know someone and whether you and they might be interested in each other.
You should just tell them you are not good at flirting and be more direct. It has worked very well for me. You can also work on getting a bit better by just doing so under the context that you are bad and it can be something funny between you and your match/potential partner.
learning to casually flirt is hard! And you can’t learn it without trying and failing a few times… It was scary for me too. I agree with others that spending more time accepting and loving yourself would be beneficial. Another thing that would be beneficial to accept is chance of rejection. It’s not personal and also not a big deal if the person that expressed interest then moves on. I’ve made a mistake a few times really inflating my expectations and fueling my interest and then reacting very poorly to rejection, so that’s another thing I’ve tried to improve.
If you work on these barriers and take shots, you’ll get some practice and improve, and over time you’ll definitely have at least a few successful interactions which will be immensely helpful.
It’s a lot easier when it’s not against the rules basically everywhere.
What?
Always remember: If you say something to someone which “alarms or disturbs” them, you can be arrested for disorderly conduct.
Edit: Even if you do no such thing, all they have to do is lie.
Great advice for someone already scared of talking to women… Why not give them an irrational fear of miscommunication as well huh
Those are the chances you take.
Women for the most part aren’t insane demons trying to ruin your life, if you talk and act like a normal and respectful person chances are you won’t get wrongfully accused, wtf…
Women for the most part aren’t insane demons …
I agree. But how can you tell? When there’s a risk of arrest and criminal charges, it’s better to just steer clear.
That is equivalent to not driving a car because people occasionally have accidents in them. Probably not even a proper analogy because having a car accident is a lot more likely than a woman conjuring up false accusations against you out of nowhere.
Why don’t you outright say what you’re implying when you imply that all women are liars who will accuse you of rape?
Get your misogyny out of here. You’re not helping anyone.
I said exactly what I meant, nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you’re reading into that is on you.
You meant more. People are reading the words you wrote. In another comment you wrote “it’s better to just steer clear.”
That’s not helpful for OP at all. That’s just the mgtow mantra.
I refer you to the comment you replied to:
I said exactly what I meant, nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you’re reading into that is on you.
