Yeah, alcohol is really like that. At some level, being an alcoholic feels like the right choice. The world around us is terrible and it feels like there’s no end. Fixing my life these past few months has been far more expensive than my $1 double shots ever were. I was able to quit fentanyl and kpins relatively easily, that was expensive and not everybody around me was doing it but alcohol? 4 years and counting at this point. You don’t get ads for snorting fent. There aren’t readily available dens to go shoot up in. But it’s never hard to find people to drink with, and you always have enough change to get at least a few shots. You can’t always change enough in a day to make yourself stop drinking. The most important step is fighting this voice. This is justification for the addiction to continue. Even if it’s a cheap rush, it’s eating your soul. It’s slowly leaning more and more into alcohol. What it makes of you. What it takes from you. How dishonest it makes you with yourself.

I got into outpatient rehab through a local place that works through the department of mental health. Even helped me apply for medicaid. Getting in for mental health services was a good idea, and has helped quite a bit. I relapse less and less as time goes on. Just a little longer between drinks than last time yk? I get weekly therapy now and that’s been great. I still need to start going to groups, but they even have someone specifically for finding the right groups for you to go to, will even give you rides to them. They’re called a sobriety coach, and having that has been pretty cool so far.

And figure out why you drink. For me, I have a million different reasons. Stressful home life, self medication, boredom, a need for dissociation from the world, a need to make my already existing dissociation bearable. Then start working towards those things. Stopped medicating myself and let the doctors do it. Of course I still research quite a bit into what they give me, but I’m not trying to handle it myself anymore. As far as boredom goes, I’ve been getting into Pokemon Showdown more recently. Doing mentally active things to fill the time so my mind drifts to drinking less. Probably helps that I’m a way better player when I’m not drunk.