It’s ruining my life. And the irony is it’s the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that’s the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
I smoke cigars and I’ve heard from people who were able to quit drinking, and others who actually quit cigarettes, by smoking cigars.
I haven’t done either myself and I don’t know at what stage of addiction either group was at but just want to mention it. Does seem like some people successfully sub out their addictions for milder things that can be less destructive and constant, which is kinda wild when you think about it.