It’s ruining my life. And the irony is it’s the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that’s the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
In my experience the biggest factors for me to stop drinking were figuring out why I was drinking in the first place and actually wanting to stop. For a while I knew “I should probably stop” but didn’t actually have the desire to. Once I got to the point of “Oh shit, I seriously need to stop” it became a lot easier for me to stop because I knew serious consequences were right around the corner if I kept it up. I’m still working on my mental issues pertaining to why I drank in the first place but it’s gotten easier to deal with once I stopped drinking and actually started addressing the problems.