It’s ruining my life. And the irony is it’s the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that’s the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
I agree with the Soros foot soldier. Rehab can help. If you can’t afford it or can’t get it covered, your county should have a department of mental health. Call them and find out what services are available.
Depending on how much you drink and how long you have been drinking, quitting without medical supervision can be dangerous. If you have a doctor, talk to them. Like the above, if you have a county, talk to them.
You’re most likely self-medicating and it could help to get something that allows you to function, such as something you can get from a psychiatrist.
Yeah I forgot to add based upon how much you drink I would advise stopping without consulting a doctor as you could get the DTs and or seizures. Hence why I mentioned rehab because you might need medical assistance to quit.