“Hello I am Build Gates from Tech Support and your komputer has been infected with vairus.”

This was the sentence that split my life into two, before Arch Linux and after Arch Linux.

“To uninfect the komputer we need your kred it kard number, the tree digit on back and expiration so we can buy best antivairus for you sir.” For the sake of protecting my precious cat videos from the virus, I gave them everything they needed, so that I can at last watch my cat videos with a peace of mind and without Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up playing every single time.

“Thank queue kind sir, we will uninfect the komputer immediately.” They hung up instantely.

A few minutes later, I received an SMS. “They have successfully uninfected my computer,” I thought. “I wonder how much did they spend on the antivirus.” What was unravelled to me next changed the fate of my life forever. The SMS read: “$133769 have been spent with your credit card on IndiaMART. Please call CreditCardWithoutLimitsCuzWhyNotEcksdee Bank for any inquiries or if you did not perform this action.” I froze in horror as my limbs slowly become numb. I fainted. When I have regained my consciousness, I called the bank but it was too late. I was forced to pay up with my hard-earned life savings the amount they spent on counterfeit handphones, computer accessories and cat food.

I’ve been tricked, backstabbed and quite possibly, bamboozled. I felt cheated and betrayed. My disappointment was immeasurable and my day was ruined. There was no more meaning to my life. I have decided that I want to die. I will leave my final message on Facebook. As I booted up Windows on my laptop, I realized that my desktop picture - a picture of a cat - wasn’t showing up. Instead, the screen was green. Suddenly, a long-bearded elderly man appeared on the screen. “Do not be afraid, I am here to help you,” he said, in a loud and clear voice. “S…Santa Claus? Is that you?” I asked. “How can you help me? Can you add those scammers to the naughty list, please?” The man replied, “I am NOT SANTA CLAUS, but I can and will help you in a different way.” “How? How?” I replied excitedly. “Use Arch Linux,” the man answered. “Arch Linux?” “Yes, Arch Linux.” “What’s that? A type of food? Or a type of detergent?” “No, an operating system, just like Windows, but much superior.” After considering for a while, I replied, “Okay, I will.” “Good luck! Bye!” The man disappeared in a blink of an eye.

I woke up. Immediately I grabbed my USB drive, went to the Arch Linux website and made a bootable Arch Linux installation drive. After hours of hard work and tinkering around, my Arch Linux installation was finally completed.

Now, I no longer live in a constant state of fear and misery, all thanks to Arch Linux. I have found a whole new meaning to life. I haven’t bathed, brushed my teeth or cared about my personal hygiene for days, but who cares? Arch Linux is the only priority in my life. It’s not like I will be dating anyone. I have no more friends, let alone a girlfriend. Who cares about girlfriends anyway? They can cheat on you. Arch Linux won’t. I haven’t been to work for weeks and my boss has fired me. Good, I have more time for Arch Linux. I haven’t paid any rent to my landlord for months and he has forced me to leave. Who cares? I can live on the streets, as long as I have Arch Linux. I am now currently living on the streets, surviving on McDonald’s food scraps and their public WiFi. This is the true meaning of life; the peak of evolution: to live on the streets, surviving on food scraps and public WiFi, with my beloved Arch Linux installation. Arch Linux is love. Arch Linux is life.