I typically don’t care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that’s gender euphoria and she’s just around the corner from realising that she’s trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).
I’ve tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it’s contributing to me being depressed now. I don’t want these feelings every time I look at my wife.
We’ve generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We’re also codependent and own a house together.
It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don’t want to separate just because of a haircut, but I’ve definitely been thinking about it. I just don’t know what to do.
You’re both going through depression and that’s rough on its own.
I love my wife’s long hair, but idk, I love her more than I do her hair.
If she buzz cuts it, or ever gets cancer and loses it, or, whatever happens really, I can’t really see my feelings for her changing over this.
I’m not judging here, I’m saying there’s probably more to this than just the hair itself?
I can’t know if it’s about other changes related to your depressions, coping with agender-ness, attraction, control, or whatever, but I think none of us here is really equipped to help you out.
Not that I don’t want to help, but you’re probably better off seeking professional help.
Now, whether that’s a solo psychologist or couples therapy, be mindful of choosing a practitioner that’s friendly to the agender and trans people.
I imagine it would suck for your wife to get shoved into a religious zealot’s trad-wife conversion therapy.
I’m a dude with long hair who’s not shy of either my masculine nor feminine side and I’d be pretty bummed if my wife told be she hated how I look and signed me up for boot camp so they buzz cut my hair.
Feels like the hair is the tip of the iceberg here.
Good luck to you both.
No, I’d also be uncomfortable if my significant other suddenly wanted a buzz cut. Sure, she could be just trying something different and it can be hot/edgy, but it’s more likely symbolic of something deeper. Maybe I’m shallow or would be reading too much into it, but I’d strongly believe there was some underlying issue, maybe she’s just realizing about herself, that may not be compatible with what I’m looking for. It’s most likely not just a hair choice