I’ve been in a rough place the past few weeks and could use some insight other than the usual: distract yourself, talk to friends, meditate, exercise, etc. Was there anything that you did or found that really helped to shift things for you?
Think of it as flu rules: take time to heal and enjoy it as best you can under the circumstances.
Breakups have been the some of the largest catalysts for growth in my life. Only time will take the pain away, but take the opportunity to use the pain to fuel positive change in your life, because that kind of heartache doesn’t happen all the time.
distract yourself, talk to friends, meditate, exercise, etc.
They all felt the same, only time helped.
Letting your emotions out. Maybe scream out a bit and let some of it go. Do not be too hard on yourself, and take your time.
Music may help as well. Do not turn to sad breakup songs. In my case, Metal was helpful (as I feel it is the most emotion-letting genre; weirdly, it is therapeutic), but this is not a general thing.
Probably maintain a journal and write out how you feel. Try to avoid stalking or mentioning your ex. Don’t let those neural connections further strengthen.
The most helpful, I still think, would be to opening up and confiding in someone you trust. In my case, I didn’t have any friends I could turn to, and so it took me far too long, but if you can, best to go this route.
Good luck!
It sounds crass, but there is good science behind attachment and neural connections in your brain: have sex with someone new if you want to get over someone else. Your brain will pretty quickly begin to detach from your last partner.
Just also know that (aside from actual sociopaths) almost everyone starts to catch feelings for a new sexual partner after you’ve had sex three times. Obviously don’t let it get that far if you don’t want to get attached to that new partner.
I think this is why so many people look for rebound relationships whether or not they’re aware of the neural connections changing. It feels better to start moving on even if that new relationship is completely superficial.
I only put this to the test one time before I met my wife, but I think it helped me move on from an abusive relationship.
I’m going to echo what somebody else said in that time is ultimately going to be the only thing that really changes how you feel. Which I think is what we really want when feeling this way. For me, I got high and did my best to detach from life by deciding feeling nothing was better then feeling horrible (which I don’t recommend doing).
It took me a long time and lots of therapy to realize how important it is to feel our emotions when we feel them. Cry if you feel like it, scream, or even punch a pillow. Don’t run away from what you’re feeling because you can never escape it. Feel it now while everything is fresh so that you can work through those feelings in a healthy way.
What is a healthy way? Well that’s different for everybody. All you can do is keep experimenting, researching or hiring a therapist to help work through it. Friends can only be an ear for us to talk to, but a therapist can give us tools. Not every therapist is a good fit so it’s a little like dating in finding the right fit.
Be careful about getting stuck in what you’re feeling though. Feel it, but then let it go as best you can. Accept that you feel this way but remember it’s not forever. Acknowledge it, then let it drift away.