no need to feel like an impostor. you could be homoromantic asexual. or if you’re also on the aro spectrum, oriented aroace (where tertiary attractions are relevant enough to be considered part of their orientation) could apply.

even if you’re not on the end of the ace spectrum, like gray or demisexual, you still belong in this community. and if you ever turn out to be not aspec anymore in the future, i’m sure you’d still be welcome here.

you are what you are, and that’s valid. you don’t need to prove your place here.

and feeling lonely/sad because you don’t have anyone is no reason to be excluded, either. some aces (and aros) have no problem being alone. some crave a relationship of some kind. some are actively avoiding it, because “ew, relationships”.

the ace spectrum is just as diverse as humanity itself, we just have the little difference of not (or conditionally, or rarely) experiencing sexual attraction. that says NOTHING about our opinions or how we interface with the (lack of) feelings

The other comments already mentioned this, but I’ll just reiterate myself…

Ace doesn’t mean being a lone wolf. The only thing it really means is that you experience little to no sexual attraction. You could still be heteromantic, homoromantic, or somewhere in between. For example I’m heteromantic ace. I’m in a “normal-passing” relationship. I have a bf that I’ve been together with for almost 10 years now. No one would know if they didn’t truly know me; and truthfully, no one knows me that well anyway.

It’s tough being an ace in the dating pool, I get it. Your own dating pool seems so slim. But even if you don’t find another ace to date, that’s okay. And not only that but there’s also a spectrum of gray ace to explore too.

What you explained in your original post makes me think that there was a slight consideration of aro instead. Aromatic is something a bit different but nevertheless important to understand as well.

Good luck.

I’m afraid I’m not ace, but I have both immediate family who are ace and very good friends who are also.

All of these things are a spectrum, and people can change on those spectra over time. That neither invalidates one’s identity in the past nor does it invalidate one’s identity in the present or the future.

Think of the classic bi-cycle. Sometimes I’m more into one side of one of the gender and sexuality spectra, other times I’m more into another, sometimes I’m in the middle. It’s like someone drunk and blindfolded wandering along a line, entirely unpredictable.

All this to say, if that’s what you’re feeling, don’t worry about it conflicting with any label you identify with, that is just the weird grey areas of life. For instance my family member identifies as ace, and has a partner who also identifies as ace. They still enjoy each others’ company very much and it doesn’t make them less ace to do so. Hell other very ace friends of mine also have sex, that still doesn’t make them not ace, they just have different drivers for it relative to other friends who identify as allo.

Final point, you are never an imposter in your own identity 💚 You have as much right as any to hold any identity you so choose.

Yeah, I get how you feel. Finding somebody who can vibe with you is a challenging part of our identity. Though I also feel some of the commenters here have great points all around already.

You obviously can’t deny homoromantic feelings are there, which does in fact make you a lesbian. If that is how you feel the label best describes you. There isn’t anything wrong with that. Sometimes it takes us multiple affirmations before we really find a connection to how we understand ourselves. Whilst we try to come up with words and labels that help us define or describe ourselves they don’t always fit. Vocabulary is limited and we are more complex than words. There isn’t anything wrong with that either.

Don’t always get hung up on the idea that you can’t find a label that fits. As long as you know who you are, where your attraction is in terms of Sexual/Romantic/Platonic etc… Then take simple steps to find yourself.

Sometimes where we live it limits us, I know how you feel. Being an Ace in a little town and not having or knowing anyone to vibe with is really difficult. Also being a person with a anxiety the answer isn’t as simple as “go make friends lol” Especially when you are limited to what activities you can do in such a small place.

If you are in a financial position e.g. you are working you could try going to small LGBT events near you this is the perfect time of the year as there will be pride events being organised that you could go to and try making conversation/ meet LGBT people.

Though understandably it is a massive hurdle even for me, it is a small act that could open you up to seeing/meeting people you could vibe with. Sometimes small talk is better than nothing and could make you feel less lonely.

Even though it doesn’t cure how you’re feeling in this moment, the act of doing it could be something to challenge yourself to and by doing it whether you tell yourself it is or not. Is progress. Taking small steps might feel like nothing but they are attainable and they at least get you somewhere.

I’m in a sorta similar sitch. Ace guy, out for ~8-9 years, but also identifying as gay. Currently in process of exiting an 8 year marriage with a now out lesbian, and she’s having her actually very awesome girlfriend move in next month. Big enough house for all of us to coexist as roommates (they were roommates…), but while not feeling pressure to date, I feel like it’s the next logical step even though the drive isn’t quite there. I don’t think I consider myself aromantic, but I’ve also been in this faux relationship for so long that maybe I need to take a breather, and collect myself.

I know much of that was a ramble, but here to talk and realize there are more of us out there. The struggle is real, and I’m glad to see at least one other human here dealing with something I felt so alone with. Definitely having the imposter syndrome bit too, but I think a lot of that stems from upbringing and comphet.