Fuck off. Seriously. Eat all of my shit.
Come back to me when you’re an afab enby or a trans man, and then you can talk about how it feels to be emasculated.
I’ve been made to feel like a fucking piece of trash for showing any masculinity my entire life, except I never even had a word for it, because for someone born without a dick, emasculation is norm.
You don’t know shit about shit.
For entirely selfish reasons, it’s great when people complain about wokeness and men being emasculated, because it’s a giant red flag and I know to stay the fuck away from you. Angel is commenting below how shit women are who pull this kinda thing, but for me, it’s saved me many many times from pursuing a relationship with a woman who likely had not-so-secret reactionary beliefs.
Sorry to talk about me. Really, OP is correct.
I don’t intend to tell you or anyone else their business but this is exactly why I have personally been on a crusade against dick-size discourse for a long time - because it reinforces the cultural normativity around judging masculinity by the amount of dick a person happens to have/not have.
I would welcome anyone who feels safe enough to join me in this crusade and if it doesn’t feel safe enough then feel free to involve me in it, any time.
(But please go easy on the small-dick kings who have internalised these garbage cultural beliefs; they need to be nurtured out of the internalised bigotry, not berated out of it.)
For whatever it’s worth, there are some butch as hell lesbians in particular who I have known that have outstripped me in the masculinity department by miles and I think that they’re wonderful. There are people in the world who would cherish your masculinity too and I sincerely hope that you believe me when I say this.
If people try to convince you that your masculinity is too much, as far as I’m concerned they can fuck off and find less.
For similar reasons, I’ve convinced several dudes to talk to their wives about using a vibrator. His wife would talk to mine about how bad the sex was and how she often didn’t get off. My wife would ask why they weren’t using toys. And apparently the husband felt insecure about them. So many guys feel like a toy is an external threat to their masculinity, like it’s separate from them. So I bring it up as casually as possible. These were people with whom we’d talked about our sex lives before so it’s not like I’m randomly bringing it up. And I just try to frame it like, if you use a toy to give your wife an orgasm, you gave her that orgasm. This has happened multiple times and at least one of them has had a positive impact. Guys need to get over the idea that their dick has to be the only way their partner can finish. It’s ridiculous.
100%
Also if you’ve got a dick and you see toys as your competitors then that’s the quickest way for you to experience a resounding defeat because you cannot vibrate.
On the other hand, I’ve never come across someone who was in a committed relationship with a vibrator. I’m sure there’s gotta be someone out there who is (and tbh more power to them) but most people aren’t dating someone for their RPMs.
If you treat it like a race, you’re going to finish early.
If you treat it like a competition, you’re going to lose.
If you treat it like a mutual experience then you might just share in some intimacy, pleasure, and maybe even some adventures along the way too.What’s there to lose?
because you cannot vibrate.
Bruh just drink more coffee
Maybe guys don’t know that toys aren’t automatic Os. Takes skill tonuse toy properly too. For those guys who are into developing mastery, this might make a difference
Body shaming, and any kind of idioms referencing bodies in general (big dick energy) is shit that needs to die out. Maybe there’s an outlier or two, but I can’t think of any
My cold take on this is that any sort of idiom that enforces a normative standard for bodies is inherently ableist and thus based on that fact alone it’s bad (but it’s also bad in other ways too, for example being cisnormative).
Am I going to argue my case for this outside of an essay or a discussion with people who are on the same level? Not a chance. It’d never land.
But my angle is that disabled bodies very often exist outside of the norm for a variety of reasons, whether it’s because of physical reasons like amputation, congenital disorders, muscular dystrophy or like medications that mess with metabolism or things that disrupt the endocrine system or even just being so damn depressed that you either stop eating or you can’t get out of bed so you aren’t burning many calories.
Is ths idiom intentionally perpetuating ableism? Maybe, but not necessarily.
Is it overtly engaging in ableist rhetoric? Possibly, but it’s quite likely not as well.And this is why I don’t think I could be bothered litigating this with a person who doesn’t get it.
I just don’t have the energy to have someone say “No, but it’s not ableist because it doesn’t say anything about disabled people directly” and to go through loop after loop of dialogue where it’s like:
“Is a driver responsible for driving drunk and killing someone, even if they never set the intention to do so”
“Yes, you have to take responsibility for the consequences of your choices”
“If the consequence of your choice is that you pathologise or denigrate disabled bodies, does it matter what your intention is?”
“No, because it’s still the consequence”
“So therefore this idiom is ableist?”
“Well no, because this doesn’t say anything about disabled bodies”Or
“Speaking in terms of consequence, is it any different to invite all but one of your friends to dinner and to invite everyone to dinner but knowing that one friend is coeliac and the restaurant doesn’t cater to gluten free dietary requirements?”
“No, it’s still exclusion”
“Does it matter whether you explicitly exclude some people from being considered part of the entire spectrum of normal or whether you only do it implicitly?”
“No, because it still excludes people”
“So using an idiom that excludes some bodies from the entire spectrum of normal is ableist?”
“Yes”
“Then by definition that idiom is ableist, correct?”
“No, but it isn’t explicitly intended to exclude anyone who is disabled so that means it’s not ableist”So often it doesn’t even matter how gently I approach these discussions or how much I soften the blow by assuring the other person that I’m not going to rake them over the coals with accusations of them being ableist or how often I tell them that I’m only interested in discussing the nature and function of the idiom, it just goes around and around only to end at the same denial.
I can either pursue this stuff or I can maintain a sense of hope for humanity but I don’t get to choose both. (Though I am autistic so it’s not uncommon for me to struggle with getting my tone right for allistic people.)
It’s just frustrating because this stuff poses no threat to that type of person, it causes them no harm, and despite me personally being the one who is on the receiving end of this equation I’m still offering to gently and patiently midwife the whole process so that we can reach a logically consistent conclusion and maybe even agree to acknowledge that the idiom is unintentionally ableist before shaking hands and going out separate ways with the hope that they’ll maybe spend a bit of time reflecting on how their words can affect others at some point. But nah, that would be asking too much from the other person.
I really wish I had more gusto for talking people around on matters like this one.
GOOD comment
I fucking hate cishet women who do this shit too.
I knew this younger cis woman who was enraged that men these days are “not masculine enough” and it makes her harder to date because she wants to be a “tradwife”.
It’s especially toxic because she’d start judging men for being feminine when it came to really irrelevant things like drinking coffee with a straw. I wish I were joking.
Also, as far as those cis men go, to them, “emasculating men” literally just means “Don’t be toxic and misogynistic.”. Nobody cares if you’re masc or not as long as you’re not a total dick in the process, but unfortunately, people who express these sentiments are never anything but dicks. Fitting.
Sorry to hear about people disrespecting your transmasculinity. That shit is unbearable. “Well-meaning” cis allies engage in this shit too, and it hurts even worse when it’s behind a mask of performativity.
Wishing you all the best, comrade.
I knew this younger cis woman who was enraged that men these days are “not masculine enough” and it makes her harder to date because she wants to be a “tradwife”.
It’s especially toxic because she’d start judging men for being feminine when it came to really irrelevant things like drinking coffee with a straw. I wish I were joking.
She sounds awful. I once worked with a dude who had long hair, and all the other guys would give him shit for it.
Funny thing was, he looked great with long hair, I dunno what those guys were smoking.
But yeah, gender roles are fucking dumb. I wish people could just be who they want without this pressure.
You know, funny story about being male with long hair.
My grandparents were on a video call with my younger cousin. He’s somewhere in the 11 to 13 age range right now. I can’t quite remember because I haven’t interacted with him in ages.
His hair is longer than my grandmother’s, and they were all going on about how “handsome” he looked and how much they loved his long hair and what not.
When they got off the call with him, they were like, “He needs to get a haircut. That long hair makes him look too much like a girl!”.
Mind you, quite obviously, my grandparents are viscerally transphobic and religious, and I had to cut them out over that, so it adds up.
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Anyone who calls themselves a trad wife or uses that term with a straight face is a walking red flag
Boss joked the other day that I wasn’t a real man of I read the manual before trying to use a new device we had received. How did some of these notions become gendered in the first place?! Does not compute.
Alpha males brute force new devices until irreparable damage is done and then summon the beta manual-reader to repair and instruct proper future use.
It’s manly as fuck to look like a complete incompetent dipshit because you refuse to read the instructions about anything instead of striving to better yourself and be a reliable, competent, knowledgeable person, and unless you break something trying to use it or while putting it together you can’t declare yourself the expert because you’re probably a woman actually.
Uhh, is it unmanly to read…? Dang it, that’s another activity which brings me pleasure that I have to cross off the list! It’s sitting there with model trains, writing, sleeping, shaving, and so many other things that I learn are unmanly!
/s
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This extends to the weirdness around short men too IMO. I’ve known people who are otherwise pretty chill about masculinity and gender be really fucking weird with rules about never dating men shorter than themselves.
As a pansexual, transfeminine enby who is 5’5", I’m glad I’ve come to find that all women I’ve had some kind of “encounter” with never gave a shit about my height. Some were taller, some were roughly the same height, and some were shorter. I think the kind of women who would be into someone like me don’t seem to care as much.
I find it’s a stated criterion and like in my experience (i have only been in one relationship, and am still in it 😊) there are like more than enough reasons to reject a guy cuz they are cruddy.
I’m a cis man and I’m pissed off the woke mob hasn’t emasculated me yet. Wtf guys I’m here waiting!
I’m so sorry comrade, you are too woke to be on the woke mob’s radar. You’ll have to emasculate yourself…
/s
Uhhh, actually I’m super unwoke.
I hate women and minorities!
It’s all insecurity. I always wondered why cis straight men cared about gay men or trans women. Doesn’t that leave more pussy for you? Perhaps they aren’t the “real men” they say they are. Same kinda thing with their view on trans men. It’s intimidating to see someone with more sack than they have. Biological or otherwise. Who’s the real man now?
Queer existence violates patriarchal cisheteronormativity. We need to extend communist analysis on class struggle to gender. It is the communist movement’s mission to organize the working class, overthrow the capitalist class, enforce majority rule by the proletariat and do away with class once and for all. Likewise, it is also our mission to organize gendered resistance against the thousands of years long regime of patriarchy and finally do away with male supremacy and gender as a caste system. Gay love (a social phenomenon becoming more widely accepted due to the withering away of the nuclear family, which happens as a result of the progression of capitalism), medical transition (an advancing technology that we can thank the industrial revolution for and which erodes the biological basis of patriarchy), and women’s liberation (again a social phenomenon related to proletarianization inherent in capitalism) destroys the basis for patriarchy. We recognize that fascism is capitalism in crisis, but we must recognize that 21st century fascism is also male supremacy in crisis!
I think you’ve got something here, at least part of it, since the basement dweller thing dovetails nicely with that tweet on gamers treating women kindly unless it “threatened” their masculinity by being better at games than them (which they tie their masculinity to). To their self centered minds if they are not “more” masculine than a trans fem the existence of one, and the “acceptance of trans men are men” is an attack on their manhood that they themselves question in the quiet hours alone.
Read the Gender Accelerationist Manifesto
Avoid any posts involving oil rigs. The comments are infested with dipshits going ‘DONT SEE ANY FEMINISTS HERE!’, with the more Shabibo types quoting statistics of male deaths in the workplace and such.
And then you click their profile. I’m yet to see an oil rig worker making these comments. It’s all men who would be out of place in an oil rig, either because they’re weird basement dwellers, or because they’re desperate to affirm their own masculinity by being the most aesthetically ripped manchild golf caddy the world’s ever seen.
EDIT: didn’t realise what sub I was on, apologies for the somewhat irrelevant comment.
Masculinity is a death cult. All these online gender fascists are doing is glorifying professions that destroy your body and kill you prematurely. If you actually cared about men’s health, you would not be doing that!
How fucked in the head do you have to be in order to learn about a male-coded job having high numbers of workplace deaths and thinking that the problem is that too few women die, not that the job needs to be safer?
similar vibes to when they see a video of a woman hitting a much larger man and go ‘equal rights equal fights’
My coworkers are talking shit in a slack channel about dudes with long hair without realizing that I, a dude with long hair, am in that slack channel. I fairly certain I could beat up this entire group of losers by myself, but sure keep making man bun and Fabio jokes.
Fabio?
The guy only known for being sexy?
Nowadays he is known for abhorrent politics iirc
Even more reason to think they’d like him.
dudes with long hair
I had long hair a few months ago and all the women in my life were complimenting me on how nice it looked and what I did to make it look so good
I only cut it short for work requirements (and tbh it’s just easier having short hair)
Emasculation is how the patriarchy works. Men emasculate men all the time.
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I enjoy mocking those people by curiously asking them which masculine markers they think society is lacking and then each time they throw one out, point out like a shitty debate bro how much they themselves don’t hit any of the markers they assign to masculinity. Like mocking the tacticool burger ops mall warriors for being unable to make it up a flight of stairs.
All joking aside this is only good if you do it to their face and not really in general, because making fun of people for their physical condition or performative gender roles is shit and bad, but making bigots hate themselves is in fact cool and good and those fucks need to be bullied. The problem is most of those dudes (at least here in the rural US) also do have like 5 guns on them at any one time probably chambered safety off “In case shit hits the fan” so like, take that as you will. Then again odds are they’ll negligent discharge into their own leg or their finger won’t fit inside the trigger guard, so…
It’s a weird obsession for sure. I kind of feel like they’re emasculating themselves with their own stringent beliefs about masculinity. If they’re not following the sigma grindset stuff to a T they feel like they’re failing as men. That makes them lash out at anyone who doesn’t care about gender roles the same way they do.
ime being a cis man sucks a lot in its own distinct ways just like I assume being anything else does but the vast vast majority of men misidentify the causes of the suck which…does not help!!!
