Slogans

CIA: “Get in the -white- blacked out van, we have -candy- drugs”

DEA: “Where the cartels go to learn how to smuggle drugs!”

NED: “We love freedom and democracy” (snorts things which legitimize the concept of freedom in their minds, shoots democracy in the face)

Speaking of snorting things which create grandiose delusions…

Zelensky: “The victory is coming…just like the dragons in Game of Thrones, the victory is on it’s way…but I just need more money…for weapons…white powdery weapons of mass delusion…I mean destruction!”

CPUSA: “We’re definitely not reactionary opportunists in bed with the democrats…btw don’t forget to vote for the democrats!”

NATO: “We’re a “defensive organization”…if you obliterate the entire definition of defense and replace it with a picture of a monkey scratching his ballsack”

DPP: “WE ARE REAL CHINA!!..HEY! WHY IS NO ONE LOOKING AT ME?! …WHAT?! FUCK UKRAINE, LOOK AT ME!!! I AM ALL OF CHINA!!!”

Democrats: “Have you heard about this thing that sucks? Let me tell you how I’m not going to do anything about it. Actually, I’ll stop you if you try to do anything about it too…also fuck the republicans, they’re everyone bad from us to Putin to Satan except for when we’re talking about Putin then he is still Putin but also a republican/every republican and sometimes also the left who we try to make our base but could really give a shit less about because they aren’t bourgeois and those are the only people we even care to try and persuade with any real material concession…we just lie to the prols, then smack them on the noses like a bunch of stupid animals. Big dumb and stupi…wait is this thing still on?..Shit! Um…um…RUSSIA DID IT!!! Russia did it and I will gaslight the ever-living fuck out of you until you either believe it or there’s so much bullshit going on in the social strata that no one can organize an actual response to my bullshit. Yay, tyranny! Er- I mean dEmOcRaCy!!1!”

Republicans: “…What the democrats said/did but also fuck minorities. Guns and Jesus and stuff…”

Elon/Trump: “Let me show you why you can trust me” (sells a pile of bullshit then proceeds to fuck everyone over)

Gates: “This is why I’m NOT a weird anti-social sociopath” (proceeds to be a weird sociopath but in a social manner) “Welcome to my humble abode…whoops, mind the landmines! Have a seat on my couch made from refugee skins, you might feel a pinch, that’s just Cortana taking a DNA sample”