I think I can give some insight into this. I grew up in the UK in the same sociocultural bubble that Tom did, although a live in another country now. I have also been called skinny and not very manly, and people have asked me once or twice if I’m gay. When I was younger I cared a lot about Following the Rules and being liked by everyone. Ie. typical Nice Guy stuff. I was also always quite tense, especially with my sexuality around girls. Mine and Tom’s thing is quite common in the UK and after giving it some thought I think what does it is the authoritarian upbringing. I went through the British school system, and their insistence on uniforms, graceless punishments for normal human mistakes like forgetting your PE kit, and the expectation that you will be a Responsible Young Adult (and not a wild teenager) frightened the cheekiness out of me when I was 7 and made me into what you see there. I’m 20 and it’s only started coming back to me in the past couple of years. I have no other childhood trauma so this is what it’s got to be.
Depends on where you live I guess. One of my friends at Uni grew up in quite a posh area and went to an all-boys grammar school, but I’m pretty sure mixed-sex is the norm. I mean my first ever friend in primary school was a girl, it’s just that all the ones after that were boys and I just stuck with male friends after that. Doesn’t help that I started getting crushes on the girls in class when puberty hit so it was even harder to approach them normally
I think I can give some insight into this. I grew up in the UK in the same sociocultural bubble that Tom did, although a live in another country now. I have also been called skinny and not very manly, and people have asked me once or twice if I’m gay. When I was younger I cared a lot about Following the Rules and being liked by everyone. Ie. typical Nice Guy stuff. I was also always quite tense, especially with my sexuality around girls. Mine and Tom’s thing is quite common in the UK and after giving it some thought I think what does it is the authoritarian upbringing. I went through the British school system, and their insistence on uniforms, graceless punishments for normal human mistakes like forgetting your PE kit, and the expectation that you will be a Responsible Young Adult (and not a wild teenager) frightened the cheekiness out of me when I was 7 and made me into what you see there. I’m 20 and it’s only started coming back to me in the past couple of years. I have no other childhood trauma so this is what it’s got to be.
you forgot to mention the fact that all most all secondary schools here are single sex.
I barely talked to post puberty women at all until i was in my late teens
you miss out on a lot of primary socialisation in that kind of environment
Depends on where you live I guess. One of my friends at Uni grew up in quite a posh area and went to an all-boys grammar school, but I’m pretty sure mixed-sex is the norm. I mean my first ever friend in primary school was a girl, it’s just that all the ones after that were boys and I just stuck with male friends after that. Doesn’t help that I started getting crushes on the girls in class when puberty hit so it was even harder to approach them normally
No they’re not.