Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.
It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.
The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.
Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.
Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
I’m actually active within the mental health sector so I can help with this:
It’s never too late to get help. Sure it’s better to get help as early as possible but there is no time limit for it really. Like you said, you’ve slowly improved lately, which is great. Take all the time you need for that. Every small step forward is good. And don’t worry about the occasional step back, it happens. There will be good days, bad days and probably a lot of neutral days.
Also, don’t downplay your problems. Your problems are still very real and just because there are people that have it worse doesn’t mean you can’t take time for yourself.
Step by step take yourself forward. You don’t have to do everything all at once. Go to your therapy if you have any, go find things you like, go make plans for your future. You will make it comrade
Thank you. I will start therapy in September and since getting a therapy slot I did a lot of reading. This already helped a little bit. I can at least communicate electronically now. I would still be grateful for further help. Got any advice or books that might help?
First of all, good for you for getting a therapy slot. Good luck with your journey forward.
The first thing I want to express to people coming to therapy is that they can always be honest about everything. There’s no need to show a polished version of yourself to your therapist. 1) they won’t think you’re weird, 2) they’ve probably already heard all kinds of things before and 3) you have to be honest to help yourself. Don’t be afraid to cry, show emotions, have fun etc. It’s all part of therapy.
Also, keep going to therapy. You’ll sometimes feel tired or anxious or whatever and might not want to go, but it’s important you still do. Even if you don’t have much to talk about, you might actually be surprised when you’re there.
Actually do your ‘homework’, if given. Talking about your stuff is one thing, but there will also be tasks you need to do outside of therapy. Reflection, small assignments, setting goals etc. is also part of your therapy, even if it’s not at your therapy sessions itself.
My last important advice is a bit more difficult, but if possible should be followed I think. In therapy you need to be comfortable with your therapist. With comfortable I mean that you feel safe and feel that you can discuss everything with them. You’re probably not always going to like what they say or what patterns these person see in your stories, or you’ll feel challanged when they discuss certain things. That’s normal. But at the base of it you should feel comfortable and safe with this person to discuss your things. If not, try to find a new therapist, it’s okay to try out multiple ones. Don’t worry about it though, most therapists will probably be fine for this.
For books I will look when I’m at home. If I understand correctly you struggle with social phobia, right? I’m going to check what I can find.
Take care comrade
Edit about the book part: I thought you replied to another comment of mine lol, but the question still stands
Thank you for the advice I will follow it. Regarding the books I am not 100% sure what it is. When I introduced myself and problems to my therapist she listed some issues I might have but she wasn’t sure herself yet. Would it help you if I describe my panic attacks and when they appear?