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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 16th, 2023

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  • my guinea pig herdleader likes when everyone gets to eat a treat.

    she didn’t really get why the cat liked meatpaste, but she’d yell until I put out a treat for the cat. I often grab a little something to eat while I sit next to the pen with them while they eat their veggies. it makes them feel like I am part of their little herd. i get all the positive reinforcement grooming and nuzzling affection.

    she’s just a little too greedy to give me her food, though.


  • “Hey, I need to use my lunch break to get away from work things/have some quiet down time. Give me a break and I’ll be better for the afternoon.” Subjects you don’t want to discuss: “Oooh, that doesn’t seem like a topic appropriate for work. What about [thing you are comfortable discussing, work thing].”

    I highly recommend becoming very willing to spend time discussing one personal thing so they feel like they’re making a connection. I use my pets, but you can use a sports team as some others suggest, or a hobby you don’t mind sharing, like your progress on painting minis/knitting that sweater/book you’re reading/ latest album from favorite musician. Extroverts want a connection, give them a little and redirect to that thing when they probe.

    If your boss persists in bothering you at lunch, ask if you should clock in since this is a work discussion, or if it’s really your personal time to use as you wish.

    If they persist in bringing up wildly inappropriate topics like sex, say that you’re uncomfortable. Make it obvious they’re being weird at work. saying “I don’t like discussing my sexual preferences at work”, or similar, loud enough for others in the breakroom to hear should make them uncomfortable. if that doesn’t get you anywhere, there are protections in the US for some things. go to HR, explain you’ve tried explicitly telling them not to talk to you about whatever inappropriate topic, and it’s continuing. Call out that you’re feeling harassed by them continuing to bring up this subject that is not work related. HR might want to try a mediated discussion about it; 1 is reasonable, multiple is not.

    if it gets to where you need HR and are worried about your legal rights, find a local worker’s rights lawyer to provide advice. they should be able to tell you what is reasonable effort from the company to fix the situation. be prepared to lose your job if it gets this far.

    you shouldn’t have to discuss sex at work as small talk. it can come up in some jobs (medicine, sex work) but shouldn’t be in most workplaces, and there are protections from this kind of harassment in the US.


  • ellabee@sh.itjust.workstoaww@lemmy.worldBunny living space
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    2 months ago

    I’ve got a couple guinea pigs. one assumes the tarp is the limit of his territory, whether or not there’s fencing.

    the other one regularly goes wandering, but respects the areas I’ve said are off limits. and she knows she has to get back to her territory - the tarp - to get any treats.

    so it’s entirely possible this bunny recognizes his “room”, as defined by the new rug.


  • quoting from your link: No reductions were statistically significant. Only one difference [re:disease] was statistically significant.

    plus it was done by a pro-vegan group with obvious bias. so the results from the pro-vegan funded study are not terribly good at supporting veganism for cats as more healthy. it’s about the same, maybe less disease (severity of disease wasn’t covered in the abstract but would be a significant part of a decision). show me a study not funded by a pro-vegan group with similar or better results before I consider feeding my pet a diet very different from their natural diet.




  • yeah, I do.

    I was a kid on free and reduced lunch. there’s stigma around being poor enough to need it, and I was bullied for it. my home life was sufficiently dysfunctional that it could be the only food I ate that day, and there were still times I’d rather be hungry than bullied.

    so in the interest of removing something kids can be bullied over, sure. tax the rich more, and let a relatively tiny bit of our taxes buy every child at least one meal a day.

    -childless taxpayer


  • my grandparents have passed away now, but when i knew them they were unfailingly polite in public.

    in private, Grandma had reservations about japanese people. i gave her leeway. Pearl Harbor was bombed on her birthday, and Grandpa went to Iwo Jima. i still felt i could bring a japanese boyfriend around, and as long as i was happy, he’d be treated right. Grandpa didn’t even suggest reservations. he took everyone as an individual worthy of respect until their behavior suggested differently.

    my parents are in their 60s now, but i don’t have contact with them for other reasons. the last time i looked at my mom’s twitter i thought she had been hacked, the MAGA rhetoric she was spewing was so awful. not hacked, just an asshole.



  • ellabee@sh.itjust.workstoaww@lemmy.worldPlop
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    3 months ago

    ferrets are like kittens that never become cats. they get a little slower with age, but given they start like they’re running 3 times faster than the rest of the world, it’s not noticeable until you get a young ferret again.



  • alcohol definitely shuts down some of the anxiety, makes the shy less of a thing. i was a complete lightweight, too, so half a cocktail was enough to loosen up. never life of the party, but i could engage and not be a wallflower.

    but when i was back to sober, i’d have so much more anxiety about how i had been perceived while i was less inhibited. and recreational drugs, including alcohol, leave me super depressed when i’m back to sober.

    i will still talk the ear off the people i’m most comfortable with.


  • it’s hard to untangle introvert, shy, and social anxiety.

    these are my definitions, as someone with all 3: introvert - i rest and recover by being alone. shy - meeting new people is more scary than exciting. i don’t like being the center of attention or on stage. social anxiety - i constantly worry about what people think of me. even when i’m alone, i review previous interactions for “clues”.

    introversion by this definition isn’t something you need to get over. you might find that you are still refreshed and recovered after spending quality time with your most intimate friends and lovers, or you might need true alone time away from even those you love most.

    you get over shy with practice. meet lots of new people, at whatever pace is stressful but not overwhelming. take public speaking courses. join a theater group.

    social anxiety is where it’s actually unhealthy. i needed a therapist to tell me it’s not normal, everyone isn’t secretly, constantly, evaluating every interaction. i need medication to help quiet those thoughts. if therapist and medication are too much for you, know that most people don’t think about things that much. remind yourself as often as you need to. redirect the worry to other things - did i do the dishes? is there a way to improve efficiency at work? know that working through the shyness while struggling with social anxiety is doing it on hard mode. give yourself time.



  • imagine you start to get your shit together, start some habits to get you on a better footing, and then there’s a week where you just can’t every month. and maybe there’s also a mid-month slump, because hormones suck.

    i didn’t see a therapist until i had one weekend to run all the errands, see doctors and vets, clean the house up… there was just the one weekend where i was sure i’d have enough of an upswing.

    -general anxiety and depression diagnosis, plus PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoria disorder), the drugs are great and i’m better now



  • you mean the thing where people, often women, have spent decades trying to expose the abuse happening in private homes, and trying to get it addressed?

    because that’s what happened. women’s voices, speaking about marital rape and domestic abuse. getting the political power to change laws, to make it illegal, and give domestic victims the means to escape. it also surfaced the child abuse, again. it’s just not been buried again yet.



  • ellabee@sh.itjust.workstoScience Memes@mander.xyzHiiiiiii!
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    5 months ago

    my cat loses it if she wakes up and can’t see me. I live in a studio. there aren’t a lot of “out of sight” options. at one point, there was just a screen between me, in my computer chair, and her, on the bed. we still did the whole call and response.

    she doesn’t look for me, she just starts yelling until I respond.