I FUCKING HATE JACK. FUCKING ENGLISH BASTARD.

Why does Jack sell his family cow for ‘magic’ beans??

Why does he then proceed to take advantage of the kindness given to him by the giant’s wife?? She gives him food every time his smarmy ass climbs up the beanstalk and then lies to her husband three times to cover for his pasty ass so he doesn’t get ground into human flour. How does the englishman return this kindness?? He first steals their gold. Okay you broke removed, fair enough. Don’t climb up that beanstalk again. Oh wait, you’re doing it again??? You’re stealing their golden egg laying hen??? Surely this will ensure your happiness and prosperity for decades. You will cut down the beanstalk and save everyone further trouble, yes??

No. You climb up a third time, “hullo luv 'ave you goit any bread or mushy peas for me” and the giant’s wife, in her kindness feeds you a third time and hides you from her husband. “Oi, do you 'ave a loicense for that harp?! No? I best take it, innit” and, in his rage, the giant chases your scrawny ass halfway down the beanstalk. but instead of running away for good once you’re home free, you chop the beanstalk down and kill the giant?! you’ve ruined an entire marriage you thieving bastard

good post this is the dunk tank i want as a windows user

thanks babe

Millennials 15 years ago had the better - more original - YTPs. Yes, I can still quote this entire video (only Link can strive for cum. Great, I’ll get head!) by heart because my like 13 year old ass watched it so goddamn much in 2007

they’re all snakes why are they standing around like that instead of WORKING

my cheddar bay biscuits

My beloved HexReplyBot but instead of Youtube links their new domain is just replying with random bits from various speeches like

I earnestly suggest to this congress that we pay close attention to the well-being of the masses, from the problems of land and labour to those of fuel, rice, cooking oil and salt. The women want to learn ploughing and harrowing. Whom can we get to teach them? The children want to go to school. Have we set up primary schools? The wooden bridge over there is too narrow and people may fall off. Should we not repair it? Many people suffer from boils and other ailments. What are we going to do about it? All such problems concerning the well-being of the masses should be placed on our agenda. We should discuss them, adopt and carry out decisions and check up on the results. We should convince the masses that we represent their interests, that our lives are intimately bound up with theirs. We should help them to proceed from these things to an understanding of the higher tasks which we have put forward, the tasks of the revolutionary war, so that they will support the revolution and spread it throughout the country, respond to our political appeals and fight to the end for victory in the revolution. The masses in Changkang say, “The Communist Party is really good! It has thought of everything on our behalf.” The comrades in Changkang Township are an example to all of us. What admirable people! They have won the genuine affection of the broad masses, who support their call for war mobilization. Do we want to win the support of the masses? Do we want them to devote their strength to the front? If so, we must be with them, arouse their enthusiasm and initiative, be concerned with their well-being, work earnestly and sincerely in their interests and solve all their problems of production and everyday life–the problems of salt, rice, housing, clothing, childbirth, etc. If we do so, the masses will surely support us and regard the revolution as their most glorious banner, as their very life.

ok…i see the vision…i can do this to my corolla and it won’t be cringe…

unfortunately the difference between ChapoTrapHouse and Badposting is that badposting at least is self-aware about the average post being shit or unfunny. And that’s not even pointing out the fact that the other half of the ChapoTrapHouse comm’s posts are usually better suited in other communities. For example, looking at it right now - there are at least two (maybe even 3 depending on what you consider news) on the front page of the comm that would be better in News or Politics; one post that should probably be in AskChapo, and another that probably belongs in Chat.

Either way, both ChapoTrapHouse and Badposting are bottom of the barrel comms to me along with TheDunkTank.

i am not a hexbear power poster i cannot even triforce

I hate to say it, but the owlposting scares them away anyways here’s a triforce

with maybe, being really generous here, a hundred active users

be for real there are way more than just ‘a hundred active users’ lmao. there were over 900 active users on the homepage in the last 24 hours.

yes, there is probably only a hundred people who are making new posts daily but there are way more users across the site than you’re saying.

anyways we should be atomized - half the posts in ChapoTrapHouse are shit. The Megathread is uh, a single thread.

you mean Joel McHale’s The Soup thank you very much

wasn’t even the most egregious sketch of the night - to be honest with you. my roommate watches it religiously so inevitably every saturday night I will happen to catch parts of various sketches as I’m in the kitchen.

the one that really got under my skin was the bike trail one where the entire joke is…people who bike on public trails are annoying?? was just sitting in the kitchen doing the dishes and hearing the sketch, waiting for the eventual punchline or subversion of expectations, but no…four minutes of “don’t you hate when you’re walking 2 abreast on a public trail, partially in the designated bike lane, & someone rides up and gives you a “on your left” to warn you they’re approaching and that you should get out of their way? yeah we hate them too”

SNL being SNL I was struck with the thought that whoever wrote the sketch (Colin Jost I know it was your insufferable ass) must have been walking in a bike lane somewhere in Manhattan and gotten bowled the fuck over by a cyclist who is tired of telling people to get out of the way.

I can commiserate as someone who has always had a strict 6 year limit (going in both directions) on the age of any potential interest. That means, as someone about to turn 30 next year, my cut-off for older interests is 35 (I’ll bend this rule if like, the person is only a year or two older than the upper limit - but they have to be either really interesting as a person or really attractive. It’s only happened once). If you’re younger than 23, I don’t care if you’re literally sculpted by the gods or the only person on this entire earth who could ever fully understand me as a person - don’t even look at me.

I wish I could be paid $6,000/week just to tell some stupid white woman "no, do not buy any more cheese…"lmfao

My notifications have for the past 4 years been unreliable lol. Replies will get stuck for days. Sometimes they won’t trigger notifications/unread. Mark All Read will only work like 25% of the time and usually if I want to clear notifications I have to hit the button, go back to the homepage, navigate back to the Inbox, and hit the button again.

I’ve just succumbed to it. If Hexbear doesn’t want me to reply to something, I won’t…

Many time’s its because we would only provide support in English. They could just put it through google translate and get the gist of it, but wont…

the fucked up thing is that, in my 6+ years of working at this specific job, I have found that the foreign language clients who reach out are NEVER as fucking helpless as the people from English speaking countries (I’m primarily talking about the US/UK/Australia). We actually run shit through Google Translate in the event someone writes in in like Swedish or Japanese & send our replies back translated; so I’d completely understand if someone wrote back in with like a “こんにちは。説明が理解できません。翻訳が間違っていると思います。ビデオを送ってもらえますか?” (Hi I can’t understand those instructions I think they were translated wrong can you send a video?)

But no, this will be people who are native English speakers and they will fucking lose their shit if they get a succinct email back that puts each individual step into bullet points. “I DON’T LIKE READING EMAILS IT IS TOO HARD TO FOLLOW ALONG PLEASE SEND A VIDEO OR CAN WE SET UP A ZOOM SCREEN SHARING SESSION??” to which I reply no.

Real.

A large percentage of my job relies on giving instructions to the dumbest motherfuckers you’ve ever interacted with. I try to make it SUUUPER simple for people by including bullet points and/or numbered steps. It’ll be shit like:

• Sign into your account
• Navigate to the area you’re having trouble with
• Do this
• Done

Inevitably, I will get some fucker daily who is like “that’s too much can you please send me a video” fuck off no just read what I sent you