SterlingPooper [he/him]

Uh, nowhere, yet.

If you mean in general, I’m not sure! I’m picking bars to try out, just so I can get comfortable vibing in public again. It’s a start, you know?

Trying to find the will to go out and make new friends. I’ve essentially been wallowing since 2020, I feel like I let down everyone as a result. Too ashamed to reach out, but trying to just rebuild my confidence.

Feelings of dysphoria really bad the last couple of days. Making myself go buy a new outfit as a treat 🍭

Currently worried that social skills are only learned when you hit certain ages, a la Pokemon moves. Like, I had to learn how to initiate conversations at Level 12, but I didn’t, so now I don’t get to, unless this metaphor contains a Move Tutor of some kind.

I see other people who are close with each other. It’s literally like, how do I learn to do that

Scared to shop for women’s clothing 😬 But, like, wow, it’s better in every imaginable way

Is it normal to spend years not reaching out because you thought your friends knew you were struggling with depression and gave up on you?

Is it normal to be so intimidated by people that it’s hard to tell who actually wants to listen to you talk about your problems?

Is it normal to wish your friends would notice your absence and come looking for you and be willing to understand why you’re struggling?

I think about the person I was when I left school. I was always there for my friends. I thought they would notice me like I noticed them. I thought when you’re sad, your friends see you and ask what’s wrong, stay and help.

Maybe I did this to myself. I just don’t know how to undo it.

I don’t know how to organically bring things up without being asked, but am also desperate to be asked about those things.

And also despise phone calls because I need to multitask, but inevitably get wrapped up in something that takes up more of my attention than the actual phone call.

I’m convinced that people who are good at conversations are wizards.

My manager likes to talk about Frozen III and how apparently they’re having Elsa have a female love interest.

I genuinely have no idea if that’s true, but it’s mostly just an excuse for him to start talking like “I don’t want my kid to see that kind of stuff” and coworkers agree with him. It’s disheartening.

I’m on my way out in the next few months, but I think I’m wearing Pride stuff every day until I leave. I’m not out to these people, but I seriously have zero tolerance for those kinds of conversations

RIP “Souna” ☹️

A legend for sure.

Learning about student loans now because nobody ever explained this stuff to me when I was in school is deeply distressing

Unrelated, does anybody else still have crippling social anxiety as a result of lockdowns? Idk if it’s because I left school or other life shit but I don’t know where to go or what to do, so I just haven’t done anything. My friends all moved on. I feel no momentum.

I am intrinsically drawn to the pansexual colors

Longtime lurker, occasional poster! Trying to come out of my shell because I’m starting to question my gender. I never felt like I fit the mold of “guy” and it’s always something that I’ve had to try to do. I always felt awkward in all ways in school.

Lately, I’m really considering the possibility of being trans. I buy women’s clothes, I try to talk and move in a slightly more feminine way. I was on a website and there was a page titled “I hope I’m trans” and seeing that in writing led to this moment of “Oh fish, I think I wish I were a girl!”

I’m trying to figure out who to talk to about these things. People in my life are pro-LGBT, but I’m just generally distant. Like, how to open up about this when I’ve just never been open. It’s a challenge.