STANFORD, CA—In a cutting-edge breakthrough for their field, psychologists at Stanford University confirmed Thursday they had trained a full-grown man to ask for help when he needed it. “After years of rigorous experimentation, we believe the test subject, whom we have named Buster, is finally capable of requesting…
Or, just squeeze them hard enough to squirt the juice into life’s eyes and say, “next time I want cold hard CASH DAMMIT!” Or just take some prozac with a slice of lemon.