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70% of survival with adhd is fighting the urge to elaborate.
I’m really liking the posts along these lines because there’s so much associated with ADHD that I haven’t been aware was part of it and it’s so accuratly described here. There’s kind of this sense of living like a double agent or something, except in that scenario the person knows what it is they’re hiding. I’ve gone through life having unconsciously learned that the actual reasons I do things aren’t acceptable or at least not explainable so I’m always having to improvise something more plausible or different. It’s sorta like lying, but not exactly, but there’s the ever present fear that I’ll be exposed for… something.
I almost feel like this life time of training would actually have helped me really be a secret agent if only all the other symptoms of ADHD weren’t completely debilitating and would sabotage such work terribly.
It’s sorta like lying, but not exactly, but there’s the ever present fear that I’ll be exposed for… something.
I think what you’re looking for is “masking.”
So this is why I struggle with daily standup
I prepare 45 minutes before, then 15, then 5 and then I’m late and my prep was useless.
One day though I’ll be a star
“I know that I did things, I promise, but I can’t remember what any of them are”
I’m so lucky that rarely had to work in an environment with daily stand ups. One time I did and I kinda managed for a few months until one day I just had “an episode” and got up and walked out saying “sorry, I can’t do this”. I was also very lucky to be working for an employer who supported me through the following weeks of “sick” leave and a role change.
That’s amazing, I’m so happy it turned out ok.
Since my current team’s timezone is all over the place, we do our standup async via text, so it’s not so bad. But still having to explain “What did you get done yesterday?” to the Slackbot at the beginning of my day is not always a great feeling.
Hmm I should get tested.
Me too.
How does one do that? Starting to think maybe this is me…
Well this didn’t need to be so targeted. At least tell me how you fix that shit.
How to climb the wall of awful with animations. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg
This is pretty good. I remember seeing it a while ago.
Realizing I had all this wall – emotional stuff – in the way was a help. I could see what problem I actually had to solve first.
I find it helps to analyze what I am feeling and why and kind of talk through it.
And sometimes looking at the initial steps of getting started helps. If I can get started on one or two simple actions it is often enough to get over the hump and keep going.
E.g. I have this report to write ugh …but let’s see… The first thing is I just need to open Visio and then the next hard thing is to find the architecture diagram…so maybe just open up that one team website cuz it might be there. So I go and do that and now I’m locked into finding the diagram, then starting to work on it for the report, and I can go step wise from there.
A big problem is just having the “juice” to start. If I haven’t exercised in a while and am falling into depression, forget it. It’s almost impossible. Whereas it is much easier if I am feeling good due to regular exercise.
My Rx helps, especially in the morning about 20-30 minutes after taking it. If I don’t waste it on goofing off lol.
neat. it sure feels like a literal wall.
Thank you so much! That’s some of the best advice that I’ve needed the most ever! ❤️
I don’t know if it helps, but this is not really a lie, and you shouldn’t feel bad about saying it. You have your own reason for not being able to do something you committed to. Someone else might have a different reason that is equally personal that they don’t want to share. “I forgot and I’m sorry” is a socially acceptable way to take responsibility without sharing specifics and potentially making someone else feel confusion or pity.
You can still work on the “why wasn’t I able to do the thing I felt I needed to do” without worrying about “why wasn’t I honest about my reason”.
Just my two cents though.
Sorry but the anxiety that accompanies my add says that your two cents are good in all cases but mine because my contacts will both know I’m lying and care deeply
Yours too?!?
Contacts are the worst.
Yeah! Duck contacts! Let’s put our phones on silent under the pile of unopened mail! I’ll never find mine there
Why are you looking through my windows at my piles of important mail I’m going to sort through and shred in 6 months? Get off my lawn!
I’m not sure if this is exclusively an ADHD or neurodivergent thing.
basically no symptom of ADHD is exclusive to ADHD. But as a rule, executive dysfunction as described here will happen much more frequently and for much more mundane tasks for people with ADHD when compared to people without.
It’s not exclusively an ADHD, neurotypical, OR neurodivergence trait. Severity and effects on life matter. It can be a trait associated with a myriad of executive dysfunction disorders (e.g. Autistic Inertia), ADHD, anxiety, and some personality disorders as well. Finally, an otherwise mentally neurotypical person will behave the same way given a big enough stressor.
Severity and effects on life, that’s the first measure to look at before asking “But everyone is like X or Y, sometimes”.
I get like this with some spesific tasks. Other related tasks I breeze through quickly, but when I get reminded about the one I struggle like this with I just freeze.
As far as I know I am what they call neurotypical but I do wonder if I have some attention defisit at times.
Attention is really another aspect of executive function along with self motivation.
No doubt everyone sometimes struggles to get motivated to start something, once in a while. And no doubt people sometimes find it hard to focus on a thing. Or have trouble shifting their focus from one thing to another.
With ADHD, these and the many other symptoms tend to manifest quite frequently and have a significant impact on all areas of your life. Your career suffers, your relationships suffer, etc.
as someone whose diagnosis focusses on ASD with no specific reference to ADHD, this is still familiar.
My coverup is “I couldn’t find the opportunity” to people who know, and “it left my mind” to outsiders
I read that as I left my mind, which also makes sense
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My goto is, “I got caught up with X task, but I’ll get that to you ASAP.”
What do we do about this.
Normalize not demanding explanations, and start accepting ‘I just couldn’t’ as a valid answer. Don’t let normie neurotypicals define what is "Normal’.
I’d like to be competent, though.
Competent at what specifically? Basic daily life like chores and dishes? External motivators are way better than internal. I never clean “for myself”. I clean because my wife needs it for her emotional well-being, and I clean because it would be embarrassing for guest or maintenance to see it.
Other potential options are therapy and medication, but I acknowledge the privelage of having them and that many people dont have that as an option. And obviously I’m just some dude so take it all as anecdotal evidence.
But for me it comes down to I will rarely do things for myself, so mentally framing them as for other people makes it easier
That’s not really an answer.
The things that make people feel/act this way are typically the really important stuff that has to get done or else there are consequences.
We can’t just accept ‘i just couldn’t’ in many of these situations.
But sometimes "I just couldn’t ’ is the answer. You dont mad that a fish can’t climb a tree. First you ask why the fish needs to be in the tree. And then if it really does, you help the fish get into the tree. Standing behind it shouting words of encouragement or tgreats mean nothing when a fish can’t climb. Far too often people get caught up so much on blaming and shaming people for mistakes or failures that it turns relationships sour and the original problem still doesn’t get solved.
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Decades with no idea I wasn’t alone and it wasn’t my fault… Praise the Internet
You’re not the only one. My shrink says it’s pretty common for adults to break down and cry after getting their diagnosis, because it’s confirmation that there’s something actually wrong and they’re not just a lazy sack of shit.
Also why, despite how weird it is to neurotypicals, people celebrate being diagnosed haha
Holy fuck, get out of my head
Reported: “I’m in this picture and I don’t like it”
When memes getuncomfortably specific.
Yup. Wonderful memories of childhood when people were asking me “what are you trying to achieve” and I’m just sitting there thinking “I just told you I can not function like you want me to”.
Oh shit, is that a sign of ADHD? This happens to me a lot and it’s really tough to overcome, I end up jumping between tasks to do something else, remember the important scary thing, stare at it for a bit then task bounce again.
Sign of anxiety, not necessarily ADHD.
Those two pair really well, like canned cheese and strawberry wine.
So it’s certainly a sign of anxiety but not necessarily ADHD? That’s what you said there. It’s not necessarily either.
They often present together, and definitely have a positive feedback loop between them.
