and before anybody else says it, yes, it’s kinda problematic to show gender neutral pronouns as a transitional stage to a binary trans identity. Yes, there are trans women who initially have an easier time using gender neutral pronouns because it takes the pressure off them to fully perform femininity, and that’s ok and valid. But it’s not the only or even a typical development. There’s a lot of people who do not go through such changes and where pronouns go from he / him to “oh fuck somebody asked about my pronouns what do it tell them” directly to she / her or they / them or whatever fits them. There’s people like me who transitionally use they / them, then go to she / her, then realize that the whole nonbinary thing wasn’t a phase once we’ve settled in a bit, but stick with "binary"pronouns because womanhood is the closest commonly understood approximation to who we are and it makes little sense to explain the nuances to people who’ve never questioned their gender. And there’s people who at first find it easier to accept being binary trans and need to become really secure in their femininity to accept they are actually nonbinary.
There’s a lot of people who do not go through such changes and where pronouns go from he / him to “oh fuck somebody asked about my pronouns what do it tell them” directly to she / her or they / them or whatever fits them.
I presented as male right up until the point where someone asked me my pronouns at work and I was so excited to say she/her. That was literally the Thing that got me to change my entire life, just one person in one instance giving me the space to be myself. Surprised the hell out of me lol
first time some referred to me as she/her – they were criticizing my writing at an org thing but uhh… I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t hear much of what they said. I was too busy up on cloud nine doing a happy dance.
also how does she grow her hair out that much in just a year? i know tons of girls and a sizeable number of guys and enbies who’d kill for that knowledge.
i like this explanation and have recently had something similar, where I was briefly calling myself agender to friends, then realized it was HRT and she/her time, but now after a few months feel like theres still some interesting angle to my inner gender that isn’t an in-between, but more accurately equally both ‘im just a person agender’ while also binary transfemme. gender is neat
yeah this is definitely true. i have a big folder of trans memes on my phone and several of them use this format but i feel a little uncomfortable posting them because i really don’t want to make any nb posters uncomfortable
and even for transfem people this is far from a universal experience. it’s fairly accurate for my partner but not for basically anyone else i know
I didn’t mean just for trans femme, I was using it as an example. the suggestion is for tagging any post that assumes identity/only works if you’re in one particular group. e.g. [masc], [fem nb], etc.
🙏thank you for saying this! Obv the intent of the meme isn’t to exclude NB people but I personally started to feel weird about how some memes & internet perception seem to assume NB is just some form of “proto trans”
Yeah, that idea is so far from the truth. To me, realizing i’m actually NB was like an evolutionary step, i had to actually spend time hanging out with (and making out with) other nonbinary transfems, in completely genderfucked locations where i realized “wait i’m in what used to be the men’s room and it doesn’t make me dysphoric because we’re beyond this here and everybody around me is gay as hell”, let that feeling that gender is a scam really sink in. I had to ditch all these notions about overvaluing cis passing and wanting to fulfill some binary cishet ideal of womanhood, embrace my butch side, be gay and do crime, learn that while i hate being seen as a man, i actually find it hillarious when my gender genuinely confuses people. It was a learning process, getting rid of the binary was another part of developing revolutionary consciousness, it was a process of resistance.
It doesn’t have to work this way, some people know right out of the gates they’re NB and like i said, some binary trans folks need time to accept themselves in that binary role, too, and it’s ok when “maybe i’m NB or genderfluid” is a temporary construct that helps them through that phase where they can’t fully believe they’re a woman yet. All of that is valid. It’s normal that it takes time to figure yourself out when you’re one of the people where the whole “the baby has a peepee, it’s a boy” heuristic doesn’t work, but is instead the first act of violence you experience.
And there’s people who at first find it easier to accept being binary trans and need to become really secure in their femininity to accept they are actually nonbinary.
This was me, except now I’m less actively thinking of myself as nonbinary than wondering what it would even mean for me to be binary. It’s just not a meaningful dichotomy for me.
But I’m still a woman, even if I think of that as more a political decision than anything lol
and before anybody else says it, yes, it’s kinda problematic to show gender neutral pronouns as a transitional stage to a binary trans identity. Yes, there are trans women who initially have an easier time using gender neutral pronouns because it takes the pressure off them to fully perform femininity, and that’s ok and valid. But it’s not the only or even a typical development. There’s a lot of people who do not go through such changes and where pronouns go from he / him to “oh fuck somebody asked about my pronouns what do it tell them” directly to she / her or they / them or whatever fits them. There’s people like me who transitionally use they / them, then go to she / her, then realize that the whole nonbinary thing wasn’t a phase once we’ve settled in a bit, but stick with "binary"pronouns because womanhood is the closest commonly understood approximation to who we are and it makes little sense to explain the nuances to people who’ve never questioned their gender. And there’s people who at first find it easier to accept being binary trans and need to become really secure in their femininity to accept they are actually nonbinary.
I presented as male right up until the point where someone asked me my pronouns at work and I was so excited to say she/her. That was literally the Thing that got me to change my entire life, just one person in one instance giving me the space to be myself. Surprised the hell out of me lol
That’s such a sweet story, thanks for sharing that!
first time some referred to me as she/her – they were criticizing my writing at an org thing but uhh… I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t hear much of what they said. I was too busy up on cloud nine doing a happy dance.
one million times this
It’s still a nice meme, but yeah, that needed to be said.
also how does she grow her hair out that much in just a year? i know tons of girls and a sizeable number of guys and enbies who’d kill for that knowledge.
I love your rants
i like this explanation and have recently had something similar, where I was briefly calling myself agender to friends, then realized it was HRT and she/her time, but now after a few months feel like theres still some interesting angle to my inner gender that isn’t an in-between, but more accurately equally both ‘im just a person agender’ while also binary transfemme. gender is neat
yeah this is definitely true. i have a big folder of trans memes on my phone and several of them use this format but i feel a little uncomfortable posting them because i really don’t want to make any nb posters uncomfortable
and even for transfem people this is far from a universal experience. it’s fairly accurate for my partner but not for basically anyone else i know
we should institute tags for this stuff so people know not to click if they aren’t trans femme
deleted by creator
I didn’t mean just for trans femme, I was using it as an example. the suggestion is for tagging any post that assumes identity/only works if you’re in one particular group. e.g. [masc], [fem nb], etc.
deleted by creator
🙏thank you for saying this! Obv the intent of the meme isn’t to exclude NB people but I personally started to feel weird about how some memes & internet perception seem to assume NB is just some form of “proto trans”
Yeah, that idea is so far from the truth. To me, realizing i’m actually NB was like an evolutionary step, i had to actually spend time hanging out with (and making out with) other nonbinary transfems, in completely genderfucked locations where i realized “wait i’m in what used to be the men’s room and it doesn’t make me dysphoric because we’re beyond this here and everybody around me is gay as hell”, let that feeling that gender is a scam really sink in. I had to ditch all these notions about overvaluing cis passing and wanting to fulfill some binary cishet ideal of womanhood, embrace my butch side, be gay and do crime, learn that while i hate being seen as a man, i actually find it hillarious when my gender genuinely confuses people. It was a learning process, getting rid of the binary was another part of developing revolutionary consciousness, it was a process of resistance.
It doesn’t have to work this way, some people know right out of the gates they’re NB and like i said, some binary trans folks need time to accept themselves in that binary role, too, and it’s ok when “maybe i’m NB or genderfluid” is a temporary construct that helps them through that phase where they can’t fully believe they’re a woman yet. All of that is valid. It’s normal that it takes time to figure yourself out when you’re one of the people where the whole “the baby has a peepee, it’s a boy” heuristic doesn’t work, but is instead the first act of violence you experience.
This was me, except now I’m less actively thinking of myself as nonbinary than wondering what it would even mean for me to be binary. It’s just not a meaningful dichotomy for me.
But I’m still a woman, even if I think of that as more a political decision than anything lol