I feel you, I feel/felt the same way. I am somewhat changing in my approach however. I try to stand up for myself and be more assertive in my communication. Try to just get courageous enough to show up, then focus entirely on the subject, try to forget about behavioral aspects. At a certain point you’ll meet a topic or you’ll have something to say, which will allow you to represent/express yourself and from that point on just be yourself, the social interaction part will come easier since you are now known regarding the way you speak up and how you are as a party man.

The second part is tough, I don’t have an answer to be honest, only to try to be a bit more confident in yourself and try to establish at least enough confidence to have a surface level communication and relationship going to operate party tasks and other doings.

I know easier said than done, but nobody said it’s going to be easy. Try maybe not to have too high expectations and know your limits, accept those and work with what you have/can offer. This is my view as an autistic person, but your experience may differ, good luck though, rooting for you! Everyone has a place, if they don’t allow you to fulfill your role, it’s not the place to be.

The most important thing is to keep trying and GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. Can’t say that last bit enuff. Ignore the inner-critic and be proud of yourself for showing up for others, no matter what that looked like. Remember you are NOT a burden but actually, your perspective and experience holds tremendous value that you can offer your comrades when organizing—in whatever capacity is comfortable for you.

In fact, that’s why it’s important that you DO show up: All organizing should be neurodiversity-affirming and open to ALL disabled comrades; so at the very least, we as disabled people can help ensure that organizing is as inclusive as possible. (The ableds and neurotypicals usually never think about that stuff.)

It is incredibly tiresome, but very much worth it. I’ve already warned people I’ll have to completely vanish for a week or two once in a couple months because I can’t deal with this much interaction.

It does help that I basically never mask irl, so it’s less stressful and people aren’t surprised by my oddities. It’s hard talking to other people I don’t have familiarity with too, but I convince myself to do it anyways because my comfort comes second to doing good work. Good luck!

ADHD here. Haven’t been tested for autism, but have always had similar burnout/overstim issues. It doesn’t help that my professional life is very irregularly timed, which makes it hard for me to establish routines. I’ve been a formal part of organizations before, but found that I couldn’t manage the regularity of the expectations put on me. By being an active supporter of orgs, rather than a member, I’ve found I am more useful. I am able to do activism on my own schedule and have a much easier time managing my energy.

Organizing in person takes A LOT out of me. I still do it, but my capacity is limited and takes focus away from other personal responsibilities of mine, like work/bills/marriage/self-improvement goals. I primarily participate in movements during my downtime at home and I’m deliberate about meeting my hours of activism with just as much dedicated time for fun. I’ve found that if I don’t do this, then my dopamine-starved brain will literally hyperfixate on the miseries of capitalism and then in 3 or 4 weeks I’ll find myself in a mental/emotional crisis because I never gave myself any release.

There are definitely ways you can organize and contribute as a ND person. It’s work to develope an acute awareness and understand yourself more though, but it sound like you’re already aware of how your body operates. It can be really difficult to forgive yourself for your limitations, but remember, “Each according to their ability.”