I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.
All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.
I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.
I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know
I’m sorry everyone
If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now
I still feel like I’m in the void
Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever
Yeah, that is an important piece.
She wasn’t mad really, just worried for me and wanted to help. I apologized and we are going to the gym together and spending the rest of the day with each other just talking and making some of our favorite foods. I didn’t say anything mean, just brutally honest about my mental state right now that I’m ashamed of (I know I probably shouldn’t be but I can’t help it)
Thank you, my friend. I really hope this works. I’m going to keep trying for my family, girlfriend, and the revolution. <3