Someone who broke my heart unapologetically over a decade ago has been diagnosed with cancer.
For years I’d wished she’d feel the pain, loss, humiliation, and isolation I’d felt shed put onto me, and deal with the subsequent anxiety and depression, and years of therapy; karma, you know? Welp, she’ll get to feel most of those things, I guess.
The wound is old but mostly healed. It’s her being diagnosed with cancer that makes it all weird.
Like I hoped for it. Not exactly. Not the cancer, or disease, but everything that comes with it… it’s a weird mix of shame, guilt, pity, and ashamedly a little bit of a weird form of triumph. Like “she’s finally getting hers,” but then “…oh, fuck. Not like that…” Not a fun form of triumph, not sure if there’s a better word for that.
There’s a weird piece that I’m very financially stable and if things were to have worked out with us she would t have a GoFundMe up. But at the same time, I’m unwilling to donate the final $1000 to meet her goal.
I don’t think you need to feel guilty about it. But at the same time, it sounds like you’d benefit from being able to put her behind you. How you get there I obviously can’t advise on.
Good luck man. Congrats on the financial stability! I’m jealous ha.
I had a moment this am where I was processing some old trauma and was nearly in tears.
I wanted to cry, because I haven’t in like months.
But nope! Gotta go sit in front of a computer screen and maybe be able to say “hey” without someone asking me if something is wrong.
Wanna talk about it?
Someone who broke my heart unapologetically over a decade ago has been diagnosed with cancer.
For years I’d wished she’d feel the pain, loss, humiliation, and isolation I’d felt shed put onto me, and deal with the subsequent anxiety and depression, and years of therapy; karma, you know? Welp, she’ll get to feel most of those things, I guess.
Sorry it took me so long to see this.
I’m sorry you got hurt, man. Some wounds are hard to heal. What have you got to look forward to at the moment? Even one of the little things?
The wound is old but mostly healed. It’s her being diagnosed with cancer that makes it all weird.
Like I hoped for it. Not exactly. Not the cancer, or disease, but everything that comes with it… it’s a weird mix of shame, guilt, pity, and ashamedly a little bit of a weird form of triumph. Like “she’s finally getting hers,” but then “…oh, fuck. Not like that…” Not a fun form of triumph, not sure if there’s a better word for that.
There’s a weird piece that I’m very financially stable and if things were to have worked out with us she would t have a GoFundMe up. But at the same time, I’m unwilling to donate the final $1000 to meet her goal.
It’s really a fucked up set of feelings.
🥂 cheers
I don’t think you need to feel guilty about it. But at the same time, it sounds like you’d benefit from being able to put her behind you. How you get there I obviously can’t advise on.
Good luck man. Congrats on the financial stability! I’m jealous ha.
It feels great when you’re back home and let it all out