This is a great tip in general, but especially so from an autistic perspective - we generally communicate much more directly, and you should trust that if we’ve asked that specific question it’s because that’s specifically what we want to know lol
What I often find is people don’t ask the question they should have to receive the information they actually want. So I have to read between the lines and understand their perspective and what led them to ask their question in the first place, then I can actually give them the information they were looking for. For instance, the OP, the Grandma doesn’t want to know the kid’s number. She wants to know the best or most convenient way (from her perspective) to have a voice call with the kid. That might be by having the kid’s phone number, but it might not be.
For instance, the OP, the Grandma doesn’t want to know the kid’s number. She wants to know the best or most convenient way (from her perspective) to have a voice call with the kid
I don’t think that’s right. Grandma knows how to find his contact to text him, she should be capable of finding it to call him.
I think she actually wants his phone number for something. Maybe she wants to give it to the cute girl in her church for him, maybe she wants to sign him up to a spam call list. Who knows, but I find it the more likely option.
I think it’s more likely granny just doesn’t know how to use her phone well enough, but what you’re saying is totally possible too. See this can be interpreted in so many ways
Makes me wonder if I’m on the spectrum or if ADHD people normally do this too. Or if this is an engineer thing.
The flip side is I normally don’t trust other people to ask me precisely what they need and want because all too often they try to solve a problem but don’t come up with a great one and would be better off telling me what they’re trying to accomplish so I can come up with a more optimal solution. (Also if I am not sure about the best solution, I will try to state what I’m trying to do)
Like, someone wants to do some calculations in a spreadsheet. They don’t know spreadsheets or Excel, but they know JavaScript. So they try to use JavaScript in their spreadsheet. They get part way and ask you “hey how do I get console.log to print to a cell?”. Which is weird. Instead they should be asking “how do I add up the numbers in this column?”
Someone put the number in her phone.
She isn’t sure how to navigate through the contact to get the number.
Something I learned as I got older and has drastically improved my relationships is to just answer the question as asked.
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This is a great tip in general, but especially so from an autistic perspective - we generally communicate much more directly, and you should trust that if we’ve asked that specific question it’s because that’s specifically what we want to know lol
Wait, isn’t that, like, normal?
For a good portion of the population it is
For the other 60% it isnt
What I often find is people don’t ask the question they should have to receive the information they actually want. So I have to read between the lines and understand their perspective and what led them to ask their question in the first place, then I can actually give them the information they were looking for. For instance, the OP, the Grandma doesn’t want to know the kid’s number. She wants to know the best or most convenient way (from her perspective) to have a voice call with the kid. That might be by having the kid’s phone number, but it might not be.
I don’t think that’s right. Grandma knows how to find his contact to text him, she should be capable of finding it to call him.
I think she actually wants his phone number for something. Maybe she wants to give it to the cute girl in her church for him, maybe she wants to sign him up to a spam call list. Who knows, but I find it the more likely option.
I think it’s more likely granny just doesn’t know how to use her phone well enough, but what you’re saying is totally possible too. See this can be interpreted in so many ways
What’s normal for you might not be what is normal for others, so I can’t really answer that!
Maybe this will help?
https://neuroclastic.com/autism-autistic-communication-differences/
If not, we should absolutely normalize answering specific questions when asked specific questions.
Makes me wonder if I’m on the spectrum or if ADHD people normally do this too. Or if this is an engineer thing.
The flip side is I normally don’t trust other people to ask me precisely what they need and want because all too often they try to solve a problem but don’t come up with a great one and would be better off telling me what they’re trying to accomplish so I can come up with a more optimal solution. (Also if I am not sure about the best solution, I will try to state what I’m trying to do)
This is sometimes called an xy problem.
Like, someone wants to do some calculations in a spreadsheet. They don’t know spreadsheets or Excel, but they know JavaScript. So they try to use JavaScript in their spreadsheet. They get part way and ask you “hey how do I get console.log to print to a cell?”. Which is weird. Instead they should be asking “how do I add up the numbers in this column?”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/XY_problem
TIL thanks. Strange that I’ve been in IT all this time and haven’t heard the term frequently.
This is a imprecise communication thing.
Language is hard, words are hard and we have far too little patience.
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