I just can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t go back to repressing wanting it. I used to think it was pointless because it wouldn’t feminize me enough to make a difference and at this point, that thought doesn’t even dissuade me.

My partner’s been so great and supportive but she’s not into femme people, so we’d end up just being platonic coparents. She’s my best friend and I’m not brave enough to tell her but it’s also not fair to keep from her.

I just feel like I lose no matter what. Every option involves hurting my best friend. It’s just not fair to anyone involved.

  • aaro [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    31·
    1 year ago

    all the love comrade trans-heart

    I don’t want to purport to know your situation but you have to live true to yourself both for yourself and also so that you can be the best you to those you care about. Being queer is absolutely full of these weird halfway relationships that don’t map neatly onto the cishet nuclear family track, and it’s rough but it’s worth it. Love still holds up. Plus, no shot you’ll regret it, don’t worry how much it’ll feminize you because you’ll love every bit that it does meow-hug

    You’re in a tough place and I have you in my thoughts, hope things go as well as you could possibly hope and then some no matter what you decide!

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    30·
    1 year ago

    I feel you. Been in a similarish situation before meeting my bf. If they’re supportive I actually feel it strengthens your bond, but it is no longer romantic. I hope you do well cat-trans

  • Maoo [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    251·
    1 year ago

    I’m sorry, that is a really tough situation. It’s really common to feel that way and have that fear, and being 100% honest it can go either way, including the way you’re (100% legitimately) afraid of. It’s one of the things that exemplifies the inherent bravery of trans people, as well as the challenges of being trans.

    Solidarity! Things will work out, even if there ends up being pain on the way there.

  • EpicKebabEater [he/him, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
    22·
    1 year ago

    Of course if they are not interested in you, you shouldn’t push it but in my experience the broad strokes of someone’s sexuality give you a 99% accurate idea of whether they’d be interested. That 99% accuracy will probably end up being true in which case your best friend will hopefully be understanding and won’t see your transition as a personal attack.

    I used to think it was pointless because it wouldn’t feminize me enough to make a difference

    Many such cases. Often people who think this way get pleasantly surprised by changes.

  • Owl [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    21·
    1 year ago

    This happened to a friend of mine. Her wife tried to make it work, but was just too straight. Amicable divorce, but the emotions were real messy until they moved into separate houses. Everything stabilized within a year, and now everybody is doing great. My friend ended up being very happy with her transition, basically a new and cooler person.

  • WannabeBear [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    1 year ago

    I repressed my gender for ~7 years after coming out as nonbinary/questioning to my husband, when he said “as long as you’re not a transman or don’t get a beard.”

    Spoilers, I’m a transman. kitty-cri

    Those 7 years were horrible for my mental and physical health. I lost so much.

    I can’t say what the right choice is for you. Having kids must make your decision even harder. Whatever you choose, you are valid. cat-trans

    But in my experience, the dysphoria and need to transition only got stronger with age. Until it finally got to the point where I think repressing it any longer would have literally killed me.

    • ChestRockwell [comrade/them, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      35·
      1 year ago

      I mean, do we lose anything by being earnest? If it’s an elaborate bait, are we somehow “owned” by responding to a comrade in good faith?

      Like don’t get me wrong, I understand the skepticism around wreckers/baiters, but if we start requiring a Voight-Kampff test for every poster asking for advice/support, I feel like vibes will be fucked.

      I’ll admit I’m just an ally though, so perhaps my perspective isn’t the best here. I love my trans comrades though. hexbear-trans

  • iphone___se [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    1 year ago

    @ChestRockwell@hexbear.net https://hexbear.net/comment/3809968

    I just don’t want them to think I got rused if they are rusing.

    OP is looking forward to transition apart from the wife’s reaction to either being in a sexless marriage or doing separated parenting. A lot of confusion and stress. I’m no expert but I don’t think just “not being able to stop thinking” about transitioning constitutes gender dysphoria.