I know this is more fitted for the mental health community on lemmy.world, but that community feels like shouting in the void. I want to have a more “normal” talk about like life, death, purpose, and stuff. How do y’all not just get consumed by how you will be gone one day, how one day no one in the world will even remember you. Most of us aren’t even gonna have a wikipedia page, not even gonna make it into one single news article (obituaries don’t count). I’m just so sad. What’s the point. What keeps you going?
Edit: I live in the USA btw, I’m around age 18-25. I was diagnosed with depression last year and I took some antidepressants for some time, but I’ve since stopped taking them for a while.
kinda sounds like you have long covid. i’d highly recommend working on improving your cardiovascular health in the short term. if you can run, run. if not, walk. just as much activity as you can do consistently
it’s hard to underscore how important being able to breathe is. i know you’re depressed and worried about things, and you don’t feel like anything has a point… but it’s a lot easier to feel those things when your cells can’t get the energy they need to function
i’m a little too sleepy to write much about the nihilism you’re feeling, but… i spend my life trying to help people and improve the lives of those around me as much as i can. it doesn’t really matter to me if i’m remembered
but being able to help others starts with being able to help yourself. you can only give once you, yourself, are provided for. and you deserve that, so do your best to achieve it, even though the world makes that very hard
try to do some breathing techniques and meditation too. i like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8) but you can try 4-4-4 (same thing but all are 4 counts) or just focusing on breathing where you’re exhaling longer than you’re inhaling
why did you stop your depression medication? if it wasn’t working for you, you should bring it up to your doctor and try a different one. there are a lot of them and one will probably help you
for the meditation, read about mindfulness. it’s about just trying to be present in the moment, instead of losing your train of thought and focusing on that
try to focus on these basic things for the next six months or so. covid can be devastating to the human body and recovery takes a long time. be easy on yourself and do your best to heal. you’re young so you’ll hopefully be able to bounce back with some patience and effort
i hope this helps, i think you sound like a bright young person with a good future ahead of you, if you can become healthy again. i believe you can, i hope you can too
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i’m surprised you even got anything out of taking so many at a time, by nature they’re a chemical that needs to build up and has a gradual effect on your body. that temporary feeling of relief could have even been placebo. regardless, i say this so you understand that fundamentally goes against how they’re supposed to work. ideally, you would have just had your dose raised, because the one you had was clearly not strong enough for you. but that ship seems to have sailed, not much we can do now
anyways… you have a soft heart, and that’s not a bad thing. but you need to be responsible with it. think of your heart like a creature that needs good nourishment; reading stories of sadness and despair are bad nourishment. you need good nourishment, stories that bring you hope and joy, to flourish. so get off of social media, regulate your intake. read happy stories on webtoons or fantasy books or something. even the most mentally resilient people aren’t equipped for the flood of bad news that comes in from every corner of the world, so don’t feel ashamed of it. it’s taking care of yourself. you’re not doing anyone any good by reading about sad things you can’t change, you’re just making it so the sad things are making the world even more sad
the other thing to understand is, that lack of control over your meds, that’s actually a lack of ability to tolerate your own emotions. you read something, you feel sad, and you can’t tolerate that feeling, so you overdose on your meds to try and cope. again, not something to be ashamed of, but it’s important to recognize. it’s also important to recognize that tolerating your feelings is a skill, and it’s a skill you can build. it takes dedicated time and effort, but it can be done with the things i mentioned in my original post - breathing exercises and meditation
it sounds like you’ve lived a hard life, as well, and if you can find a therapist, i think that would be good for you, to help talk these things out and recognize that the feelings they evoke are not permanent and that you will survive the pain they bring. i’d recommend you find a trauma informed therapist, if you can.
so, for a list for you:
take these up for the next six months. if you’re a little more stable, you can reach out to your doctor and explain the steps you’ve taken to improve your life and see if they’re willing to take you back. or you can just find a different doctor, but i think it would be good to practice these things at least a little bit first, so you don’t need to worry about abusing your pills again
sorry if i’m a little terse here, i did my best, but i’m super tired and sore from doing yoga, something i’m doing for myself to help with similar problems. if you have any questions, please ask them and i’ll reply to you again tomorrow after i’ve rested