This is a learned effect. We got so battered during childhood that we internalised the criticism, but lost track of the praise (if any was given).
A good solution is “basking”. Take the time that a task took. You should allow yourself to bask in that achievement for at least half that amount of time. This includes bragging to friends and family etc.
This helps to recondition your brain. You’re ALLOWED to feel good about getting stuff done. You’re allowed to sit back and just feel happy about it. This starts retraining your brain to give you that hit. That, in turn, makes the jobs/chores a positive thing, and so your more likely to get it done.
Another trick that’s related and worth mentioning.
Externalise the negatives.
I know, at least personally, my thoughts can lense around problems. I train myself not to even think about them. I’ve found this is because I beat myself up internally. This is quite counterproductive. I learn to avoid the problem, while eroding my sense of self. Instead, direct it outwards.
This is easier by example. E.g. washing up. I used to get annoyed with myself for not doing it. This made me avoid it, and so feel worse. I now direct my annoyance at the washing up itself. It’s ugly and smells. There’s old food congealing on my plate. There’s mold and nastiness growing there. I WANT it GONE!
While this seems silly, its effect is huge. If I don’t get it done, I don’t feel negative about it, I’m annoyed with it. Once I do get it done, it now feels good. I made the problem go away! I no longer lense away from it. My brain actually wants to get it done.
just completed a big milestone this week. i finished it as quickly as i could, in the best way i could. im even a little proud.
felt nothingggggg. worse, im still stressed as if it is still due.
reminds me of finishing exams and watching everyone around me party and celebrate being “free” meanwhile I’m like “HOW DO I EXIT CRUNCH MODE PLS HELP I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN DAYS”
This week I: had six days of work, responded to two important emails, had a job interview (I got it!), paid an overdue bill, retrieved my debit card from the bank, went to the dr., and filled my rx.
But I really need to choose my topic for my master’s thesis and email my preferred advisor, so, you know, I’m a failure
YOU GOT A JOOOOB!!!
fuck that’s hard to do, congrats my guy!!!Thank you!! It was surprisingly (and slightly worryingly, but hopefully that’s just impostor syndrome) easy. I’ll be teaching a class of Americans German in Germany. I’m also from the US, and it’s the first time I’ll be working specifically with Americans, so I’m hoping it’s easier than it normally is.
Sounds like a neat gig! Killin it 😁
Thank you 😊
Also, “It took you five minutes and it sat for 6 months, you asshole”
FINE. I’ll get high again.
I was about to say that this is why I don’t rely on my brain to reward me but just give myself alcohol as a treat. Stringy ass brain
you could have done more
Aaaaaagh!!! Leave me alone! I got so much done yesterday and all I get is guilt that I went to bed before I was done?!
NO! MORE! ALWAYS MORE!
last night I finished something very stressful for me, but then my anxiety refused to accept the fact I no longer had to stress about it.
So I was up half the night with irrational stress dreams and anxious thoughts.
Why can’t my pride and satisfaction have the stubbornness of my anxiety?!
For future reference, it’s your cortisol levels. When you’re stressed for a long time they build up more and more, which means they take longer to come down
Thank you, I never really understood why that happened and it was pretty frustrating to feel that without having any reason.
Of course! Look into some breathing exercises and maybe poke around a bit into some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy, not the other one lol… Well maybe the other one if you think it’ll help) theory. Just understanding why your body does stuff can make a huge difference in what it actually does.
Since my therapist taught me about my cortisol levels a while back, it’s become a lot easier for me to identify things like “I’m anxious right now, so my cortisol levels are going up which is going to reduce how elegantly I can perform tasks. I should opt for less flashy movements to cause myself less frustration” and then my anxiety goes down regardless of how I actually change my behavior
When you say less flashy movements are you talking about video games?
Nope! I have a superiority complex, which manifests largely in the way that I do things. I flip water bottles when I pick them up, or spin things around quickly and catch them for example.
However, I’m human and humans are prone to mistakes. Learning to identify when I’m more prone to mistakes than normal and reducing those flashy behaviors has helped me a lot with my anger issues
So you try and flip water bottles constantly and then get angry when you don’t do it well in front of people?
Thanks
I did CBT a while ago and it wasn’t the solution for me, but maybe the theory will help
The actual practices are neither here nor there. Honestly, I only suggest CBT material because I know you can find knowledge about why your body does things and the less obvious effects those things have on your mental state. You can probably find a lot of the same information in any therapeutic theory, but what’s important is understanding yourself well enough that you can affect those things intentionally as well
in my experience the leftover anxiety buildup will stick around even after the stressor is over. it takes at least a day to clear properly
gotta take time to start unwinding while the adrenaline is still running around or it’s going to hit you all at once
Every damn time.
What…you want a participation-trophy too!?
