I have this comedy bit that intruded into my head based on shaking hands with men who clearly don’t think shaking hands with a woman makes any kind of logical sense so they do the bone crusher move.

The bit is that, they are assaulting me and I respond as such, headbutting them in the face and going complete racoon mode on them while they’re just stunned that I have broken the unspoken rules of office decorum.

I’m a bit worried that I have cackled to myself so much over this, and made other people laugh from sharing it (it flows better when I verbalise it) that I will one day actually do this just to see what happens.

edit: oh and the reason I find this “funny” is that I very seriously believe they are intentionally covertly causing me pain and damage, so it would be a legitimate self defense argument when I finally end up in front of a judge.